so lost.

xfallformex3 · Joined: 20 Jan 2009 Posts: 6

okay, so I have a lot of issues with food. i dont really know where to start actually...

I'm 19 years old.. over the past year I lost about 65 lbs..
Unfortunately i thought the way i was losing it was healthy, and didnt find out till quite recently that I've been starving my body..

I stuck to about 1200 calories a day, working out between 4-6x a week, although i always allowed myself a day where I would eat whatever I wanted and i usually caught up on my calorie consumption in that time..
Anyway, over the summer i went home and worked about 6 days a week so i didnt have time to go to the gym or get enough exercise so I became super-strict on my diet and didnt allow myself any "free-days"

Im pretty sure thats the cause of my first problem, which is that now, I still wanna lose up to ten more pounds.. but I binge eat about once weekly.. I feel like I probably gained three pounds over the holidays and now all i wanna do is get back my self control and lose some weight.

Problem number two: i want to break the OBSESSION i have with food and weight loss.. its like all i think about and its driving me crazy. I just wanna keep the weight off and be normal but i feel like if i stop obsessing ill go back to being overweight.

and finally: I still feel fat. Im 5'6'', about 130-135 and i wear like a size 4(ish) and everyone SAYS im not fat, my family even thinks im getting a little TOO skinny. but i still feel like im in my old body... and I cant seem to be happy with how i look no matter how hard i try... HELP ME.

...please?!

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

First things first, are you healthy? Are you menstrating? Are you losing hair etc, have you been to the doctor? That is the most important part right now.

Please recgonize that this is a serious issue and if you are below 10% of your body range than you are dangerous to yourself.

Why is it that you think you are fat?

xfallformex3 · Joined: 20 Jan 2009 Posts: 6

I'm healthy, I feel fine.. I still get my period and I still have all my hair. I have never been anorexic or refused to eat, its just that I guess I havent been eating enough for the last year.

I dont know why I think I'm fat, I'm just not happy with my body. Like i always feel like I could lose some weight to look better. I also sometimes look at myself and I feel like I cant really even tell that I lost all that weight. I wanna be proud of myself for how hard I worked but It feels like its not good enough.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

do you like other things about yourself? how is your self image over all?

xfallformex3 · Joined: 20 Jan 2009 Posts: 6

I do, i think i have a good sense of humor, im smart, im usually pretty fun to be around... the problem is though that im too concerned with how unhappy i am with my body that not only does it take up most of my attention but it holds me back. I guess my self-esteem is pretty low..

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

are you comparing yourself to anyone? by whose standards are you trying to live up too with your weight?

xfallformex3 · Joined: 20 Jan 2009 Posts: 6

i do compare myself to other people a lot... but im the only person telling myself the amount ive lost isnt good enough. I just keep thinking if i look okay now, i'll look even better if i lose more weight. and like i said sometimes i dont even feel like ive lost anything even though ive gone down from like a 14/16 to a 4/6..

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

do you still see yourself as a size 14/16?

xfallformex3 · Joined: 20 Jan 2009 Posts: 6

sometimes, yes i do.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

think it is more than sometimes. We someone loses as much weight as you do there needs to be a transition from one person to another. There is always that fear that if you miss a day then you will gain the weight back. This is more than just losing the weight, this is reajusting to a new you and feeling comfortable with that person.

have you been able to buy new clothes? enjoy your accomplishment of losing the weight?

xfallformex3 · Joined: 20 Jan 2009 Posts: 6

yes, i had to buy all new clothes, more than once, over the last year so that i would have stuff to fit me. I definitely enjoy being thinner but I'm still so obsessed with it and I can't stop worrying.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

that is going to take time and confidence in yourself that this is who you are now and you are going to live a heatlhy life for yourself.

what you are going through is common and expected with the weight loss that you have. give yourself some time to get used to the idea and start to enjoy the new you!