why can't i communicate?

sunhinerains · Joined: 13 Jul 2009 Posts: 2

I have trouble in relationships speaking my mind. If I had a problem with something, i generally keep it to myself until finally I explode. ANd when I explode - I STILL don;t explain my reasons for being upset and angry, I immediatly find the easy way out and break up only to come crawling bac apologizing. Once I calm down, I can easily express m thoughts and issues, although its generally easier for me to write it out rather than talk. It seems I have no problem talkingabout my problems to someone else, even with friends and family, but I find it very difficult to actually confront the problem. Does this make sense? Any thoughts? Please help, I am hoping I just "broke up" with someone for the last time out of beign angry.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

there are 4 types of personalities, passive/aggressive, assertive, passive or aggressive. You are describing passive/aggressive behavior where you hold things in (passive) then wait until you explode (aggressive). This happens to be the most common personality type. The healthies type is assertive where you speak your mind without hurting yourself or others.

You have to remember that it will come out eventually anyways so its better to come out the way you want it to instead of the angry way you are describing.

sunhinerains · Joined: 13 Jul 2009 Posts: 2

i always know it will come out eventually. i just have a huge problem communicating properly, unless its with writing them out...and then that leads to miscommunication because you can't always tell tone with writing.
I can talk about the good things, its negative things that i just 'think' i let go..until I explode.

Is there anything I can do, anything i can practice..anything i can read..to learn how to control or change this behaviour?

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

therapy is always an option to help you learn how to communicate. if you are okay with writing, then you should write out your responses and read them. the person that you are meant to be with will not push your buttons and should in all likelihood be a good communicator since you are not and guide you on how to do do this better. You need to be open with people and let them know that you are a poor commuincator and you are working on it.