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Zoe · Joined: 14 Jan 2009 Posts: 8

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Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

hows the relationship beside the sex? is she aware of your frustrations? is she just as frustrated as you? was this relationship based soley on sexual attraction or was there more there?

Zoe · Joined: 14 Jan 2009 Posts: 8

Well, besides financial issues. The relationship is fine. She has some mental issues due to past experiences in life/relationships. But she is a beautiful woman inside and out! Yes! She is aware of my frustrations. First I thought, she wasn't attracted to me. Which she is. Then, I started to think it was some health wise going on with her body. No she is not as frustrated as me. She can care less whether she has sex or not. This, I'm told is a 360 degree change from the way she was as recent as 3 years ago. She says she doesnt think about it anymore, no desire. She turns me down everytime... The relationship was not solely based on sexual attraction, for me at least. I was not even trying to be in a relationship with her due to her age and her past. But then I wanted her to experience what she has not, an enjoyable happy relationship.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

sounds almost like you feel sorry for her and went into this relationship to help her. that is not what relationships are about. is the age difference affecting you in other ways besides the sex and btw, it happens to people that they are just not interested in sex anymore not anything to do with you personally, but i realize how you would take it take it personally.

Zoe · Joined: 14 Jan 2009 Posts: 8

Yes, I felt sorry. But that was not enough for me to allow a relationship to develop between us. everything just flowed at first, like it always does. I'm sorry I never knew what that abbreivation btw meant. Im pretty sure the age thing affects me in certain areas other than sex, but those things are minor to me. Her age doesn't really affect me. I think it may affect her. I understand people get to that point of zero sex drive. But, If there was not the STD factor, I most like would walk away. Sex is not the most important, but it is important. And I have no control over what my body goes thru. I am not insensative to what is going on with her. I inbrace it, and take on the problems. Then find a way to move forward.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

btw (by the way) what do you mean if there was not a std you would walk away? i don't understand that point?

Zoe · Joined: 14 Jan 2009 Posts: 8

you must have missed it, its in the first post. she found out that she was given an std a couple of months ago. she thinks she's pretty sure how she got it. But was under the impression she didn't have it due to what doctors said. i went and got tested and the results were not 100%. im on the border with the antibody count. but the doctor says since I've been having unprotected sex with her, it is most likely I have it too... I waiting on second test results. With all that has happened, I did not run from it. I was there. But now that it really majorly affecting me because, this sex thing is something I have to deal with everyday.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

no i got that part, but you said that is the reason you are staying and that is the part i don't understand.

Zoe · Joined: 14 Jan 2009 Posts: 8

I edited my last post pleas read...

a little yes... because my life is over. i know its a high percentage chance i did get this std. i wont be able to get in another relationship. if i was like 50 yrs. old i would not care. but i can not go thru the rest of my life without the company of a woman. especially sex.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

so thats it, you give up because of this. this will not make your relationship better, just give you more reasons to resent her and be even more sexually frustrated and from what you tell me, you are not 100% certain that you have it yet, when will you know for sure.

Zoe · Joined: 14 Jan 2009 Posts: 8

i dont give up... i just can talk to anyone about this, let alone a brand woman im dating. and that will end up being a waste of time because that will run them off. i dont have kids, and i really would like to have some. i do feel stuck in a sense. i agree, I am starting to become angry, bitter, and feeling resentment. but i am willing to do whatever in order to better the relationship. No, its not 100%, but the results put me on the threshold. If I did not disclose the info about her, the doctor told me she would retest. But since i did, and i've been with her for 2years at that time, the doctor says I most likely have it. She says i can retest if i want, so thats what im doin. The result take 1-2 weeks.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

you are decidingyour entire future without knowing anything yet. one step at a time. people can deal with almost anything especially if it is for the right person. in this day and age, there are numerous ways to have children safely with any std and still protect the partners and yes you would not tell someone right off the bat just like you would not tell them other intimate details about yourself, but you will learn to live with it and move forward with your life.

Zoe · Joined: 14 Jan 2009 Posts: 8

yes, but an 80-90% chance... i just know i have it. im loving your example about the intimate details. but intimate details are not as of a life or death of a relationship. i am an up front person. i dont want to waste all that time, then finally get the courage to have the talk, just for lose the person. then that adds a person to the knowledge of my super personal secret. i do agree with all that you have said, but those type of people are few and far inbetween. just like love in this world. Im not making any decisions, im am open to anything. im just worried, stressed, frustrated, confused... im just not content right now. im just really would like for things to work between me and her.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

okay then stop talking to me and start talking to her. let her in and start discussing all of this. that will be the only way you will start feeling content.

Zoe · Joined: 14 Jan 2009 Posts: 8

communication is something else that needs to be worked on between us. I consider myself a great communicator. but for her, when emotions go high, then communication is distorted with her. she says she knows what im going thru, but its like from my perspective she dont care. she has told me things are unfair to me and she feels bad. but i feel like im the one being placed into a major messed up position if i did let her go. she has no sex drive etc. etc. so she really dont have much to deal with. besides being lonely.