please help -follow up post

[please help]

Hello,

Jennifer, you were kind enough to give me some good advice back in Sept for my posting please help. My posting had to do with my wife's spending and not paying attention to a budget. She was a widow for 12 years and had wealthy in-laws supporting her in a comfortable lifestyle. They died off 2 years ago right before I came into her life. I asked her to watch the spending as she was losing her home and being prosecuted for bad checks. We got that stuff taken care of and never could move forward in the relationship. It seems the whole marriage of 10 months was focused on her and her finances i.e how to run the house , her buying expensive clothes , ect her quitting her job to be at home with her 18 & 17 year old kids ect.

About 60 days ago , I moved to my homewtown 2,000 miles away from her. I asked for her to go to marriage counseling and I would get counseling over the phone. I believe the first few sessions we go seperately anyway. I figure after a few sessions maybe we could get some ground rules laid down for my return. I also sent her a few letters clearly outlining my concerns about the habitual shopping and no regard for some sort of budget.
She says I need to either head back then we will start counseling or just get divorced. I look back on this marriage and it has been all about her. I never made her do any work in this relationship. Asking her to go to counseling and stop spending are the only real requests I have made. I even begged her to stay working when we first got married so I could keep her home out of foreclosure. She fought me on that too and I lost.

She keeps saying I abandoned her and I keep asking her if she knows the reason why I left. The conversations kept going in cirlces. It was usually me begging her or trying some other way of convincing her the importance of saving money. I would point out successful couples we knew and say how well they handled money. She told me that she needs to spend 200.00 on her hair and buy clothes & make up from Neiman Marcus, ect. Her 18 year old son just had a baby and my wife and myself her two kids the 18 year olds girlfriend and baby are moving in this month ( assuming I go back). I told my wife in another letter I can help shoulder thsi huge burden if she is willing to put her personal needs ahead of the households.

She had a house in forclosure when we met. I refinanced it and sold it. She got the equity and insisted it was not my money that it belonged to her kids. Told the kid's I was trying to steal their deceased fathers money. She would have lost home if it were not for my income.

Please advise if this situation is fixable and if so how.

thanks

[Jennifer]

This is the same situation but further along, not sure what you think is fixable? It takes too to make a relationship work and she is not willing to do anything or make an attempt. Not sure if you thought moving away would make her change but she is not going to change and if you want to stay with her, sounds like you have to accept her for who she is or find someone more suitable for you.