need help moving forward

[please help]

Jennifer,

I have told my wife she and her son can live with me and I will support them. This is an attempt to fix my marriage. She was complaining about me not being able to afford to move her furniture across country. I told her we can buy new stuff here. It's cheaper than trucking it and she should have yard sales to liquidate it. This may just be a stall tactic on her part as she continues to ask for money to cover her bills. I will see how this ends up if she is willing or not to make a go of it with me as I will support us. Could it be she simply cannot see past the next 5 days of her life? Is this common?

My question is do you have any suggestions on how I set myself up for this role i.e me jumping in to rescue her financially set bad precedence or do you think this is what she was looking for all along and would have demanded it from any guy?

I did get her to briefly speak to a counselor on the phone and she told him she married me because she was lonley and in tough financial shape. He relayed the conversation back to me. If that is true of her motives, that is a pretty harsh thing to do to someone and I am grateful for keeping myself protected all along. I also have a suspicion she will not move up here with me but is leading me on to get a few more bills paid (which will not happen).

Do you think based on all my previous posts she could have borderline personality disorder ( I know one cannot diagnose) or could she simply be a callous widowed woman trying to maintain a certain lifestyle for her and her kids and saw me as a lonley man who was nothing more than a mark (sucker). I know it doesn't really matter but it may help me bring closure if things do not work out.

Once again your professional proverbial "smack in the head with reality" would be of tremendous help !!

thanks much

[Jennifer]

I am really sorry that you are so stuck on her that it is hard for you to see the picture clearly even when professionals are telling you what that picture is. You are not the problem in the sense of the relationship she is, not sure how you got the therapist to tell you about the session but when you get a chance read that phrase again, you state exactly how she feels about you. You were a way for her to pay her bills, doesn't seem as if there is much to go on there. You have given her every opportunity to show some sort of compassion and love towards you and she has not and it all comes back to money.

As far as a diagnosis for her, you are right, I do not know her at all so I'm not going to go there, but at this point I don't think it really matters, what matters is that you seem like a really nice person and it hurts to read your posts and keep on giving this woman chance after chance when you can be putting this behind you and finding someone who appreciates you and that you can build a life with. I hope that you can find a way to break free from this cycle that you are in and get to a point where you can stay away from her. You will be much better off that way.