need a professional "smack in the head"

[please help]

Jennifer,

You have been very kind to share your assesment of my situation under "please help".

As you can see from prior posts , it has been well over 1 year since I spoke to my wife or step kids. She mailed me a 2 line note in Oct 2009 telling me to file for divorce.

I sent her the papers for the divorce filing and she filed them June 2010. Around late july early Aug, she begins talking to me about what has been going on in her and her kids life ( i.e dog died, etc). I immediately get excited she wants to work things out and then ask her why she decided to communite with me after all this time.

Her style is to hurl accusations at me and distort facts. Its actually quite confusing and stressful trying to understand her. It appears that is how she functions in a relationship. I have actually questionsed my own sanity.

I have read everything I could on BPD and she meets 6 out of 9 for the DSM criteria. I know most of the cluster B's are often co morbid and she appears to have some ASPD traits as well. I am not trying to play therapist here just get an understanding on what si going on. I spoke to a few therapists who specialize in CBT and they immediately and after explaining to them the situation , rattled off how she thinks and were even accurate in how I ignorned all the warning signs. My point is they specialize in personality disorders and could not obviously assess / diagnose but give me enough information to figure out what to do. The consensus was she is very sick and I must have some real co dependency issues my self to want to try and fix someone else. I was shcoked at how dead accurate these T's were.

The conclusion was without these indivisuals acknowlodging they are sick and need help, there is nothing anyone can do.

My first question is ; should I trust my own instinct and accept she has a severe PD?

Secondly, as you may recall all she wanted was money I did not have. She was getting social security benefits for her kids as her husband died. About 900.00 per month for each child. (2 kids). She needs this money to live. I always wondered what is going to happen when the last check for the younger son stops in July 2010 I knew she would have trouble.

The odd thing is her "attempts at trying to communicate" happened around this time. She sent me an email last week saying she walked into a restaurant her and I went to and she got real sad about us. I have not seen her in almost 2 years and you know how hard I was trying to communicate with her while she sat there like a brick wall.

My second question is ; she may be having some emotions as the divorce is finalizing but am I being cynical as to her real motives i.e she is completely broke?

to recap:

1) should I trust my gut and what a few pros said about what the problem is?

2) Based on everything you have seen in life professionally and personally, is she making another run at me for cash?

I know you cannot give direct advice as therapists have to bring us to our own understanding of the matters. However, I could really use your bluntness right now.

Thank you again in advance for your time and I hope other readers benefit from your answers.

[Jennifer]

make it really easy yes go with your gut feeling and yes she is after the cash, you have made a break and keep it that way.