please help
Joined: 20 Sep 2008
Posts: 13
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 Posted: Sat Sep 05, 2009 2:17 pm Post subject: moving forward |
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Hello,
You have been kind enough to help me for about 1year now with very practical counseling.
I have two questions
1) I am finishing up my MBA and trying to find a part time teaching job / adjunct faculty position somewhere. I am writing a cirriculum now for a small non-accredited university and they may have an intro to finance class I can teach. This is good experience
The 1st question revolves around my step sons. Most universities offer free tuition to family of faculty. I sent my wife a letter saying we should discuss this because I may be able to get the kids through college for little if any expense. I feel even though we are still married but not speaking, my step kids are still my responsibility. This is my motive. Older one is doing a 1 year program at a community college and younger one is graduating HS this year. So they can definately benefit from this. I had to struggle and at times not take classes as I could not afford the books. My struggle for a college degree was painful but helped shape me into who I am.
My wife has not even responed at all to my offer. I said I can teach online and or kids can take core classes online where I am teaching to cut down on student loans. With a little logistical planning we can work this out. No response from her at all. I even told her to go to various university webistes and look at what they offer adjunct faculty in the way of family tuition. Some give 25% off and others offer free tuition if parent is teaching a certain amount of credits per semester. Step kids are qualified for this. I already looked that up.
My first question is based on everything I told you over the past year with my wife , is there a strong probability (not looking for diagnosis, just off the record commentary from you) she does have a Personality disorder (cluster B) to the point she cannot see past her own immediate needs to what her children need in life? Asked another way , have you worked with cluster B PD's in the past and if so, have they demonstrated similar behavoir as my wife? Not following up on an offer to put her kids through college and just demanding her bills paid so she can blow her descretionary income at the high end stores is irrational to say the least.
The last communication I had with my wife is me agreeing to pay light bill and then she started demanding I pay rent too. I said use older son's SS benefits as he is not working and living with his girl friend and baby in house. Wife said it's his money not my business and I need to pay rent so I hung up. They got lights shut off a few weeks ago and she wrote them a bad check to get them turned back on. There is a 10 month old baby in the house and they went 1 week (almost) with no lights. I am trying to work out bill with utility company and they mailed a form to the house that needs to be filled out and sent in (hardship agreement). She will not even respond to that!! I deem this behavior beyond irresponsible to the point of para-suicidal.
My second question, do you think I would benefit from counseling on a regular basis based on what little you have been able to glean from me? The reason I ask is one has to wonder how I ended up in such a crazy situation with my marriage and trying to fix everything. Does that mean I am just a kind hearted person who hates to see other suffer or does it reek of co-dependency or some other issue?
If you asked my wife what the problem is she would say he refuses to pay the bills. Our pastor did get her to admit she was having financial difficulty but he said it's impossible to get information out of her. She gives half smiles and shrugs her shoulders. She is almost like a trauma victim that has not realized what just happened.
Thanks in advance for reading my long winded questions |
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