married to a cop need a way out?

not smiling · Joined: 22 Sep 2009 Posts: 5

Ok, I am so lost. Need a way to figure out HOW to do what NEEDS to be done. Here's my problem: I am 39 and my husband is 42. This OUR 2nd marriage and we have been married now 12 years. He is a POLICE officer. and has been for the last 13 years. We relocated out of state so that he could follow his dream to be a cop 13 years ago. He has an endless supply of CONNECTIONS. LEGAL,FRIENDS,FREE PLACES TO LIVE ETC. He has Always been a Hard alcohol drinker and through the years he has hadhis on/off binges. This man USED to be a good father and husband. I am a nurse and we have always worked opposing shifts so that our two children(11 yr SON/6yrdaughtercurrently) could be cared for by only us. I left my family to support his dreams.( i can be a nurse anywhere, my licence travels) We have definately had our good and bad times and divorce was an option approx 6 years ago, but we worked things out and were blessedwith a beautiful daughter! Over the past 2 years (when he was placed on night shift 11-7) he has begun drinking HEAVILY generally a 1/2 a fifth a day and states he needs to drink so he can sleep. Over thelast 7 months hehas also started to have daily RAGE fests at me every morning or evening i am home. Sometimes this is in front of the kids and sometimes they are in school. His mother passed away in April and now he does NOTHING to help out around the house. I MOW the yard, do laundry,keep housemaintained pay bills etc etc. I was recently unemployed for about 2 months but now I have 4 employers. i work very hard here at the house and @ work. While he only drinks,eats,sleeps,andplays his I-PHONE, then goes to work. I am ready to leave Him but A car accident on aug 20 totalled my car and i am unable to get another until i have stable income. I am trappedon so many levels why does he have to yell at me evry timewe are home together? he states he hates me and that at any time i can leave or better yet he will leave because he can get Free apartments etc, because he is COP. I can't contact a lawyer because the lawyers tell him! ( i know this happened 6 years ago) If i call 911 he will lose his job. And he has made it very clear that he WILL kill me and the kill himself if that happens. His job is the most important thing to him and heknows all of the tricks too! Like telling any cop or sheriff that i MIGHT call That I hit him and HE hit me in SELF-Defense! (i am 100# he is about270#) where's the logic? But because he is a cop He will win. What do I do i can't take this ABUSE anymore! I can't Drive away i have no car, yet. But this is every day!!! I cry daily I can't tell his CHEIF OF POLICE he would get fired then you know. Who can help me NOW?/Today? Sorry for such along post.

not smiling · Joined: 22 Sep 2009 Posts: 5

i apologize for the length of my post but can anyone give me some pointers? i am so tired of feeling afraid when he comes home or when he wakes up. im so tired of crying out of fear every day. i am not depressed but i might as well be.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

Hey
Sounds as if you need to contact a battered women hotline/support group and get yourself some help. I have http://www.ndvh.org/ on my resources list and it might be a good resource for you if you don't feel comfortable talking to someone in your area. You need a saftey plan and someplace to go, do you have family/friends in another state?

not smiling · Joined: 22 Sep 2009 Posts: 5

yes, I have a great mother and father who live in the house i grew up in for twenty years. They have encouraged me to comehome and live with them. I am ready but as i said before, being jobless for a short time put a pinch in the finances and i cannot get a car until the other totalled car loan is paid in full. Its all a big pain and waiting game. I also have to keep this a secret because if he finds out im leaving im sure he'll physically hurt me. He hasn't Really hit me just yet, not like he could. The man could kill meif he wanted and let's me know that the ONLY thing stopping him is his JOB. Hence if i ever were to call 911 he Would kill me. In his words" I would have nothing else to live for so why care?" I feel trapped right now because i could drive to KY (i live in georgia now)but in what car? So every day i try to avoid him so he won't yell at me but then he says that i don't care about him and that i don't want him here. Actually i want him to be like he used to be before he started this night shift/drinking chronically/abandoning us and life. But i don't think he is goingto have any epiphanies any time soon. How do i keep him from scaring the heck out of me daily with his drunken rages and almost physical violence?

not smiling · Joined: 22 Sep 2009 Posts: 5

one other thing, I have on many many almost weekly occasions, asked him to stop yelling at me, to please reduce his alcohol consumption, to please not yell at me when the kids are home. I have asked him to try to get hisshift changed and his response is " No, I like the shift i work on" He was just promoted to Leiutenant solikei said he has all the connections. I have very few. When i have been able to talk to him ( when he is rational and not drinking, usually before he goes to work) He acknowledges that he drinks too much and that he takes his anger out on me but "I like drinking, and you p--- me off"

not smiling · Joined: 22 Sep 2009 Posts: 5

jennifer thank you for the domestic violence website link. i will call thenumber shortly. I new there was something out there likeit but its hard to cover your web tracks on toomany searches. thank you forthe direct name and number. I hope they can help me.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

like i said in my previous post, you need to contact a domestic violence support group/hotline quickly and get a plan in place if you really are going to leave him. Don't see you be able to reason with him, nor can you reach out in your community. Glad to hear that your parents live in another state, sounds as if that would be a good situation for you.

Please be safe and get support that you need.