insecurity is killing my relationship

concretegirrl · Joined: 04 Mar 2009 Posts: 2

I've always had a pattern of extreme insecurity- banishing movies that might show a woman's breasts, never allowing conversations with girls unless I was present etc. From the beginning of the relationship with the man Im now dating I felt as though I was freed from it. He made me feel like no one in the world could distract him from me. However over the last year my insecurity has creeped up again.

I do know that it's MY problem. He has never done a thing to make me doubt his faithfulness and he has even gone above and beyond what any boyfriend should just to make me feel comfortable.

I just really do not know how to fix myself. Ive never been cheated on. Ive had a wonderful childhood. I dont think Im ugly. The only thing I do know is that my thought process is "she's prettier than me", or "she's funnier than me", or "she's into Bob Dylan like he is"

How do I solidify a foundation of security and reject these ridiculous feelings before they even come into my head?

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

this is a self esteem issue. There is always someone else out there, but if you feel confident in yourself then it does not matter. Yes, these thoughts drive men/women away because there is no way that another person can make you feel better.

Glad that you are working on this and hope that you keep your insecurities from him and it does not directly affect your relationship.

Did anything change in the last year in your life that made this come back?

concretegirrl · Joined: 04 Mar 2009 Posts: 2

Well I dont actually know how to work on myself. nothing changed in the last year, maybe I feel like he's gonna get bored with me. I dont know. What do I tell myself to get rid of these thoughts? I guess what Im asking is, how do I become more confident in myself?

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

honestly, you just do. nothing to do with him. if he is going to get bored than that is his issue and he will need to work on that. relationships need to be worked on all the time. not just enough to say "i love you" need to constantly do things to show each other that you care or it becomes old.

work on yourself by being confident and make sure that your relationship is strong.