how to forget to think

[Jennifer]

If you think as such, you will not get to where you want to be. You need to do things that make you happy, not what makes other people happy. This is about how you feel about yourself not how others perceive you. Find things that you are good at and do them and also find things that you enjoy and do them as well and stop worrying about the rest of the world, they don't care. In a couple of years, you won't see that girl anymore and she will have been a blink in your life. You are always the common demininator in your own life so it is you that needs to be happy.

[synfold]

there are many things that i want to do when i get out of school. the only certain thing that i know is that wherever i go i want to see concerts. music is one of the things that make me truly happy. i can'
t even tell what can compare to a concert for me. when im there all my troubles are gone. i am free from everything.

i want to better myself completely. i want to be a journalist. i want to be a activist. i want to do so many things. then i get insecure and think i would still not be as good as her. i dk why it gets to me, maybe its that everyone of my friends have put her ahead of me even when i knew them longer. so it really got in my head. i am nothing. idk how to get it out.

[Jennifer]

you need to practice staying positive and learning how to believe in yourself. those people that you described are not your friends if they did not stick by your side. You have great ideas and have things in your life that make you happy, there is no reason why you cannot make them come true.

[synfold]

i will try to keep my head clear. i have talked to a friend about it. he also have similar problems so he understands where im coming from.

the part that i can't control is where i curve and get overwhlemed by the past and fall back

[Jennifer]

its okay to fall back and move forward that is the way we work, we do both and learn from it.

[synfold]

i don't know how to cover this insecurity. i get anxious and angry evertime i think about it. i have no sense of safety. Everytime i'm with a friend i feel like they don't really care and will leave me for other people. i have to distance and trust no one.

i just have this thing in my head about everyone leaving me and it won't go away. i know its always a risk to have friends. i feel like i always have to impress them or they have no intrest me. it used to get me so anxious. i feel like its coming back.


I dont want to be alone. when i was homeless, i had no contact with anybody but my sister[barely] and her kids for 3 weeks. i completely broke down and the insecurtiy became so intense.

can i reverse this kind of thinking that's been deep seeded in my head for over a year?

[Jennifer]

of course you can but its not easy and your fears of being alone are a driving force in this insecurity. bottom line is people with like you or not no matter what you do and yes people come in and out of your life all the time and for a reason mind you. people are not all good and some are, you need to find it in yourself to be okay with who you are, once you do that, you will find friends that like you for you because they will know the person that you really are, not the one that you pretend to be.

[synfold]

I'm scared. I really am. i don't want to open up. i don't want to be hurt again. i just want it to go back in time where i was safe. where i felt loved.

i don't want to be fake anymore. i don't want to do drugs anymore. i want to be happy and not be afraid anymore.
i don't want to crash and hurt myself anymore.



i just don't know how to be like i used to be. She was there when i was at my best. and now it's gone. She took it all away. My heart and all.

[Jennifer]

She did not take anything from you, you are struggling to find your place in this world, this is not about opening up to others, it is about opening up to yourself and being okay with who you are. you are using her as an excuse not to move forward and you cannot go backwards so the option is yours.