hi,pls help me on my relationship with my wife

[veer]

hi,
ya i thnk so some communi barrier is there.

ya we both many times talked to each other that should we stay seperate ? is this a solution ?

and last week also we talked on this but we have not finalise or decided that now hence forth form immdediate from 2moro we will stay seperate ..

we both are frustred on our situation so we are just thinking all this that what are the option we have . what we can do .all this

and she have no issue if i dnt want to stay seperate form her & i have also no issue for same but we cant decide this immediate all this.
we dont know y .

so she is talking like this that she wants to have a relationship with me
as long as we are 2gether and she is always very very posive attitude in her life and very fast decision making and i m very poor in decision .

Actuly she want telling that look , if we both are not happy and if u want that we shd take divorce then take decision of divorce v . fast and stay seperate but dnt cry daily on that .and if we cant take this decision of divocre immdiate then as long as we are 2gether then try to stay at least normal life but dnt cry daily and dnt live like this as unknown person staying with me.

did u get now what is our situation ? and if u are not able to understand then pls ask me question on this so i can reply you very well

[Jennifer]

i get it. i think you two should keep on talking and see where it takes you. if she is willing to work on the relationship are you willing to as well?

[veer]

hi,
see actualy i have no issue to continue this realtion but
i told you many times abt my situation ,my requirements
like love,sex,njoyment etc and after 3yrs also that my cousine
& that her offcie friend thoughts keeps in my mind bcz of all this
thngs i m not happy,frustreted and i was thinking of divorce or we shd stay seperate or wht to do ? etc

[Jennifer]

if she is willing to give you what you want in this relationship than its worth talking to her about it, if she is not then its worth talking about ending things, as I always say the decision is up to you. you are progressing towards divorce and that is fine but you stated that she wanted to work on things so either work on things with her or move towards divorce.

[veer]

hi,
thanks ,i understand .
now pls tel me one thing still i have not took divorce & that decision i thnk i can not take immediate base bcz so many thngs invoved like 1st thing i
i m buying new home for me so i can stay there & i earing also so i can servive but wht abt her ? so i wish that if took divorce then 1st i will make her arragmnet for staying purpose & evry month some money to run her house and to do all this things it will take some more time amy be few more months also.

now till that time if i want to talk to her & continue the relation but u knw from last few months i m not able to talk to her only. i dnt knw y but my filligs are just become zero . i dnt knw what is happing to me ..

i just get up in moring after finising my daily activity rust to office/work palce then from mrng 9.00am to 6.pm in work in office .dusirng that time i dnt talk to her . some time i just cl her one's in a day that also formality i do. then after going home @7pm i just go for walk for 1hr and then dinner ,watchng TV and go to sleep .while sleeping also i dnt talk .

i dnt knw y m change so much from last six months.
bcz of my behavir from last six months she is teling me still we are 2gether till that time at lesat u talk to me .

now pls let knw ,tel me someting till that time if i want to chage then how to chage my self ?? y i m not taking to her ?? y m not njoying with her ??

i even not taking to no one in house also & i dnt like to talk to any one out side also.

every moments i m mising that girl ( my wife's cousine sister ) as i use to
talk to her ful dat a lot ( only in SMS ) and not from 2 months we dnt talk as she got engaged and in future also i cant talk now as she will be geting married in few months.

[Jennifer]

i think what you are planning is the logical solution. no need to rush to do anything. there has been to much trying on your part for you and your wife and I think you are just done, no more love no more trying at all so you have shut down with her and cannot find the emotion it takes to be with her which is understandable since you have put a lot of effort into the relationship and have not gotten what you wanted out of it.

[veer]

hi,
ya but now pls let knw ,tel me someting if i want to chage then how to chage my self ?

and i m not able to forget that girl,daily she is commming im my my ,
daily i use to talk to her a lot so thats SMS are comming in my mind
every where i m mising her

now how to forget all that thngs ? pls tel ?? what shuld i do ??

i dnt understand where god is taking me ..lots of problems are laready in my life in that this new addetion .

i love to sleep ,when i sleep i fill relax but from last 1months i cant sleep also when i close the eyes that girls is comming in my mind ( no bad thoghts or no sexcul fantacies ) just all that SMS and filling i use to share with her that all thoghts are comming in my mind when i m sleeping

pls tel me what is happing all this with me ?

and how to come out of this ?

[Jennifer]

time is the only real healer for a past relationship. you need to work on yourself and move on towards a new and healty relationship with someone that can give you everything that you want. you are remembering her because it made you feel good and feeling good is nice, but it is more of a fantasy than a reality. your reality is not so good right now with the wife and the family as you have described it so you dream about something that never was.

[veer]

thanxs.

i will try to change my self & wating for gud time

[veer]

thanxs.

i will try to change my self & wating for gud time

[veer]

hi
thanx i will try to change my self but pls can u tel me some remedy,
any solution,treatment etc that i can follow

[Jennifer]

you are already doing it, you took steps to talk to your wife and decide to live seperate lives which is a big step for you. the rest will come with time. just focus on yourself and do something fun, doesn't sound like you have any fun. do you have friends to socialize with or something that interests you such as a hobby?

[veer]

hi,
ya we dnt do any fun bcz i dnt knw i dnt like anythng to do with her.
few years back i use to do fun like taking ,roaming,dinner,movie, etc
at that time situation was same as it is bit i use to do but suddenly from
last 2yrs i chage & i have reduse all that fun bcz whenver i do all this fun
i dnt dnt my mind was teing me what is the meaning to do fun when u r not happy with her .i havent got any thng in my life no love,no sex,no family nothng so all that thoghts stop me to do fun & i aviod & from last
six month i have totaly stoped no talk also only YES / NO.

she had never stop me to do all fun like traveing,moive,dinner,
socialize with friends,relatives but i stoped bcz i m upset & thing all this
thing meaning less.

last week i told her that i thnk in marrige life love,sex,trust is required
but if love,sex is not there then i thnk person can continue the realtion
but when there is no trust then i thnk its very difficult and i thnk i dnt trust you bcz of my past experince with you or bcz of my nature .

2days back she was crying also at night ,she told me can i hug you ,can i hold your hand but i said no i want to sleep alone. then i told her ya yr
wish .but i did not touch or hold her hand.

i told her 3yr back also same way u cry & then again situation same as it is .

but i dnt knw bcz of my ego or wht it is i dnt knw .i dnt talk to her,
i dnt touch her, i dnt hold her hand nothng & she is feeing v,bad on my behavir.

from last 3-4 days she is behave v.normal .its like she want to start
new relation with me ,i dnt knw smileing face. easy talk.she is regular
in moring ,afternun sending me SMS. gud morng etc
but i m as it is.

she had never said no for any event ,any fun but i m not happy with my life and with her so i said no.


i knw the fact that its not reality ,reality is i have to stay with my wife
but in that i m not able to chage.

she is teing me we will go for moive,we will go for dinner
i said no i dnt want to go..

now if just imagine if i want to chage then how to chage ?
iu told me do fun ,get socialies with friends but dnt njoy in her.
i dnt knw y ? i dnt underatnd every moment i m missing that girl
with whom i use to Exchage SMS.

[Jennifer]

I understand that you have been upset for awhile and it might take you awile to get back to who you were before this all started. she is making an effort now and it sounds llike you are saying it is to late for her to try.

it would be nice if you could remember how to have fun and go out and enjoy life without all this dread in your head. if you think that divorce is not a reality for you then you need to find a way to be happy in your current life.

[veer]

hi,
ok, thanx, i will try it ,infact i m trying it but when i feel frustred or agnery then how to divert that anger & frustretion .
where to divert that all ??