hi,pls help me on my relationship with my wife

[veer]

hi,pls help me on my relationship with my wife

[Jennifer]

Glad to see that you made it onto the site but I need more information in order to help you. What is going on? Why are you frustated? How long have you been frustrated? How long have you been married? Anything else that you can think of to expand on would be great.

[Jennifer]

Hi,

i got married 5yr back,i m engineer & working in financial institue staing in joint family with my unmarried sister ,widpw mother & wife
i have some problem with my wife & some problem in my family also

my wife dnt like with my sister & my sister also dnt like to stay with my wife,dai;y they have a problem bcz my sister is v.bad in behaviour with my wife & my mother also not supporting us ,c support my sister
bcz of all this no healty relation in house

in addition to this my wife dnt like to do inetercouse with me & m frustred of this also as i want to do intercoure with her

now m feeling v.bored life mnothng in life

i need some help & counseing on all this problem

[Jennifer]

sounds more like your sis/wife/mother have the problems and you are in the middle of it. anyway to remove yourself from the conflict. has your wife always refused your sexual advances or only recently?

If you are just looking for free help, I need you to just post in the forum, if you want actual therapy to pay then you can contact us and we can set up an appt for you.

[Jennifer]

hi,

ya c is refusing for sexcula activity from 2-3 yrs,i mean c dnt like to do.one more incident is there which is paing me a lot that also i want share with u .i found that 2yrs back he was likeng my cousine bro ,she have no affair with her but whn i come to knw that c likes my cousine bro that gave me shock in my life ,from that day i m v.frustred & we have v.gud relation with my cousine bro ,he is my best friends in my life,from child hood we share all secret also ,every year we 2 couples go for traveing for 10-15days .but bcz of last year incident i feel v.bad & insulting ,compex when i thnk of that incident ,it alway comes in my mind & distureb me a lot,i dnt understand how to come out from this

[Jennifer]

The next time you respond just hit reply to topic instead of a new topic. So you were jealous then hurt and that hurt has led to resentment. Are you ready to forgive and forget? If not then you will continue to have problems in your marriage. Do you and your wife talk? If you tried to have sex with her would she refuse you? Is it just the two of you in bed together or do you share a room with someone else?

[veer]

hi,
actulay i did nt understand what u r telng me in 1st line.
ya i can forgive her bt that incident is not going out from my mind & c dnt do sexcual activity with me so i m tnkng y i shd forgive whn i m nt gting any thng from her.c always take care of me.c prepare food for us & c also earn for us thats y i feel v.bad that c is doing lots of work so i cnt hurts her bt suddenly this sexual problrm attack on my mind & that distureb me a lot. ya we talk regularly.we go out for dinner,movie regularly bt i m thnkg when c is joing with me in all activity then y not in sexcual activity that make me frustretd and i m thnkng i shd stop other activity also like shopng,dinner,movie,traveing etc. we only 2 people in our bed room & my mother & sister sleep in other room.

[veer]

hi,
actulay i did nt understand what u r telng me in 1st line.
ya i thnk i m jaleous & i m tnkng i have done a lot of thng 4 her & i got this result .
ya i can forgive her bt that incident is not going out from my mind & c dnt do sexcual activity with me so i m tnkng y i shd forgive whn i m nt gting any thng from her.c always take care of me.c prepare food for us & c also earn for us thats y i feel v.bad that c is doing lots of work so i cnt hurts her bt suddenly this sexual problrm attack on my mind & that distureb me a lot. ya we talk regularly.we go out for dinner,movie regularly bt i m thnkg when c is joing with me in all activity then y not in sexcual activity that make me frustretd and i m thnkng i shd stop other activity also like shopng,dinner,movie,traveing etc. we only 2 people in our bed room & my mother & sister sleep in other room.

[Jennifer]

What I meant about the first line is that is thinking about the incident keeping you from being close to her? If you want to try to be romantic with her does she stop you. Sounds as if you two are close in other ways besides sexual with all the things that you do. If you want to change the sexual part you will have to forget about the incident and allow yourself to be with her.

[veer]

hi,
v r close in other way ,no c is not stoping me whn m doing romence with her bt whn it comes to sexual activity in bed c is not comfortable ,c is teing me ,m tired ,not 2day ,no yar, & c is v.modern girl ,c is aware of sexula activity,after few month when i was askng her y c is doing like this so c told me i dnt love u so hw can i do s... with u & m also smart bt some time c is telng me i dnt like u ,u r nt smart bt m thng if c is not loving me or m not that much smart then in other activity c always behave like c is loeing me lot & liking me a lot ,and aprt from that i dnt understand like me c dont desperate to do sexcual activity .hw c can stay with out that from last 2-3 years.that i dnt understand .

but now a days from last 2-3 months v r paling for chid so c ask me when v will do s....,that time i feel v.bad that nw when times comes for child then c is askinfg me abt s... so i told her y nw from lst 1yr u r nt doing with me bt whn times comes for child then u r asking me abt s....& daily c is asking abt this from last2-3months bt wht expect if c is realy wnt to do then c sould start,y i shd strt bcz in this 5yrs of marig life not even single times c has gave me responce always m doing ,c nt responce at all ,c is lieing on bed only from that also i can make out that c is nt intrested in all this so suddenly i stoped with her bcz m thnkg y always i shd bag for s... ,if c is nt intrested then let it be.& we r young age 31-30yrs.

[Jennifer]

do you want children? did you two have an arranged marriage? were you both attracted to each other previously? is she a novice when it comes to this stuff?

[veer]

hi,
ya arrange marrige,ya we both want child,no c is aware of all d stuf bt c dnt njoy in that & c dnt like diffrent ways ,actuly 4ys back c was gting pain when we do .so i told her we will go to dr.(gynakologist) bt c refuse to go ,bt we went there & dr told us evertng is fine ,dr told us to use lubricant gel & do more forplay so we strted that bt after few month also c was gting pain so i told her we will vist again to her bt c refuse to go & telng me now m not geting pain ,m njoyng bt i belive that still now also c is geting pain bcz c dnt do forply & other stuf & c dntn like all this so c dnt want to do

[veer]

hi,
Actuly we hav nt attracted each other as we both had arrange marrige.
when we 1st time mat b4 marrige in looks,education & family wise c is good so everthng was fine so i got mary to her .& b4 marrige i ask her do u have any problem 4 marrige , c tiold me no so we got married .but after marrige i come to knw that c was not much more intrested in me for marrige but c got maried to me .actuly i dnt understand c takes lots of care for me in all the ways with out any expaction so some times i feel v.bad when i behave roudely with her then y c dnt love me ?

[Jennifer]

there are 3 components to every relationship, passion, intimacy and friendship. It sounds as if you have the intimacy and friendship but are lacking the passion part. What can you do to change that? Maybe she doesn't know how/what to do and needs to be taught or showed.

[veer]

hi,
i thnk c is modern girl,c is aware of all this,c knw