getting over betrayal

minksmom · Joined: 07 May 2008 Posts: 13

I've been with my "boyfriend" for over 10 years and i just recently found out that he has been having a relationship with another woman for 2 years. I'm soo hurt, i keep praying but the feeling will not leave- i feel like i'm having a heart attack. He says he is sorry but i just dont know- i cant trust him right now and everything he does i scurtinize it.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

Okay, what has kept you with him for 10 years and how has your relationship been over the last 10 years. That is a long time, but also having an affair for 2 years seems even longer. Do you want to forgive him? It is understandable to be hurt and not trust him. Does he want to work on the relationship?

minksmom · Joined: 07 May 2008 Posts: 13

every relationship has its ups and downs- to me it was more ups than downs- i do want to forgive him but right now i cant- he says he wants to work it out but i cant trust one word he says right now. At one time i did love him more than i loved myself - look what that has bought me - heartache- i feel like a fool- right now

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

Trust takes time to rebuild. You might find that you have an even stronger relationship now that you are talking about things and how each of you feels, (at least I hope that you are). Open communication is the best way to stay in a healthy relationship. Keep on talking to him and find out what and where you guys went wrong.

minksmom · Joined: 07 May 2008 Posts: 13

it has been about 3 weeks now- since i found out about the relationship and i still feel hurt- He continues to lie to me- Now he is hiding his cell phones- i still dont trust him and the more i think of his relationship with the other woman makes me angry Mad

. i asked him a week ago is he still in contact with her and he told me no but i looked into his cell phone and say that they had a conversation- right now i dont even think i love him any more- i told him that i am in the anger stage and that he has to let me have my space.. please advise

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

I think you have a right to be angry and that you have been hurt and lied too for a long time. Taking your space seems like the right move to make right now and hopefully it will give you clarity and make you realize that you are a special person that deserves to be treated like a queen. Let me know how it goes.

minksmom · Joined: 07 May 2008 Posts: 13

I can say that I am trying to rebuild trust with him- but i still till this day do not believe one word that comes out his mouth! Crazy part, we are still having sex together. I think , better yet, I know the only reason i am is because he is the only person i have been with- and i simply refuse to have another gentleman between my legs, especially with HIV and AIDS running around. i find myself, trying to convince myself by telling myself that I love him- but i think i love him in a different way. I love him as a person,, but I'm not in love with him anymore.- I stop wearing my engagement ring- since i found out what he did. I keep telling myself that i am going to stop doing the "wifey' duties i use to- but I still am. I continue to look thru his cellphone to find out what is next. ( which is probably wrong) but i cant help it. We just recently went to a family event (wedding), and the family was making jokes about us getting married and I truely SNAPPED! by telling them we are not getting married and they looked at me like i was crazy. I dont know what to do next.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

nah, you know what you want to you just want a push in the right direction. you said it that once he cheated you stopped loving him. the cellphone thing is a direct result of you not trusting him and trust is the foundation of a relationship.

now what???