follow up advice please help

[please help]

I posted back in OCT about my wife handling the money so poor it was ruining us. I left the home last week and moved across country to my hometown. As mentioned, when we first got together , I had to dig her out of a huge mess financially. She refused to alter her spending habits ,shopping at high end dept stores and did not see the harm. Her last husband was a trust fund baby but he died 12 years ago. I made her pay most of the household bills out of the house sale proceeds. This money was from the house she owned with her husband ( his family bought them) prior to our marriage. She was losing the home to foreclosure and I brough the mortgage current and refinanced when we got married. So I felt it was our money since she would not have had it if it was not for me. It would have been squandered anyway.

I was only putting a little cash in the household i.e food ect. I watched her take her kids 18 & 17 shopping and spend thousand of dollars on clothes for her and the kids. Never once bought me anything for me. I was told she communicates her love for her kids by spending money on them and she spends nothing on me due to her not loving me. Does this sound right?
She refused to hear my pleas and cries to stop spending. I told her to stop spending and then I will contribute more money to the household. I do not make enough to cover her spending habits. I walked out and refused to pay the bills and now she is being evicted. We have been together for 9 months and she quit her job right after we were married.

Why do I keep feeling like this older (she 43 & I am 35) single mother was struggling to pay the bills saw me as a meal ticket and could not even stand me as a person? I am searching for some thread of evidence that she loves me. After I left all she could say was I need to pay her rent and utilities and she did not care if I was ever coming back at all. Wouldn't a woman who was in love at least try to find out how to keep her man? Before I left, I tried every approach to talking with her and she refused. It was almost like there was a social cue I never picked up on. By that I mean she married me under the pretenses I would pay for everything including shoppping sprees. She showed no remorse about this behavior ruining our marriage.

I guess I am looking for validation she does not love me , she just wanted financial help. This way I can move past it without lingering doubts I walked out on my soulmate. If I stayed any longer, I would have been on the streets and she would be living with her parents. The spending would have killed us.

Thank you


Your response from earlier:
I think the only thing that will work is brutal reality. sit down with the banking accounts, tax returns, any real documents to let her know that the situation is real and needs to be dealt with NOW

[Jennifer]

what would prove that she loves you? what do you need her to do?

[please help]

I needed her to put some effort into the marriage by stopping the spending and being careful with the money to ensure our survival as a couple. Since she did not, I guess I may have answered my questions. Any thoughts?

thanks again

[Jennifer]

only that you have answered your question and need to start the process of moving on. even though it might not be easy, it is the right thing to do.