am I being unreasonable?

[kimberkitten]

I have/had a male friend who my boyfriend was, for whatever reason, very jealous of. We never had an intimate relationship, but because of his job schedule (he would have to sometimes get up for work and hit the fwy between 2 and 3 in the morning and not get home until 7:30 pm or so. He's a Lineman for the power company--- very hard/dangerous work) he would crash on my couch instead of driving to his house, which was significantly further away than where I live from his work. ANYHOW. My boyfriend always felt that this person was a threat to our relationship, even though he truly never was--but to honor my boyfriends feelings, I have ceased any and all contact with my friend. Yes, this hurt his feelings and mine as well; but my loyalty was to my boyfriend.

Well, it's been several weeks since I have seen my friend. As it turns out, my boyfriends sister and niece live in the same apartment complex as my friend that I am not allowed to speak to and my boyfriend and I were invited over for the weekend to go swimming in the community pool and bbq at the community bbq pits by his sister. Which happen to be right outside my friends apartment!! And my boyfriend is upset with me because I do not want to go to his sisters' house and be put in that uncomfortable situation. For one thing, I think it's rude to flaunt "I picked this person over you" and I don't want to have a confrontation between my friend and boyfriend --because my friends feelings were very hurt when I had to pick one over the other.

Anyhow, am I being unreasonable in not wanting to go over to BF's sisters in that situation? I have no issue going over to her apartment, per se. Just being right outside the window of my friend. Boyfriend seems to think this proves that something was going on between the two of us at some point. According to him, I shouldn't be uncomfortable. My personal thinking is I *am* uncomfortable, and if this is a person you don't want me to have contact with, then don't put me 10 feet away from him for an entire day.

This is causing a lot of stress in our relationship. What is the best way to handle this situation?

[Jennifer]

sounds as if your boyfriend is insecure in your relationship whether it is from his past or something current. he can't have it both ways you not having contact with him and being around him, doesn't work that way he will have to choose which one is more important to him, you cannot give up yourself to be with someone else eventually you will loose who you are and just become somebody he wants you to be and that does not sound like you. you need to always be true to yourself and your feelings first and be with someone that can understand that.