absolute obsession (really long story)

[billboardgirl]

i am completely and totally obsessed with this man.. i wont give his name, but i will say he is the main singer of a metal band...

my obsession with this man is just completely out of control to the point where i am suicidal... i cant even imagine being with anyone besides him, i would rather die that be with anyone else.. but at the same time i know that he doesnt want to be with me and i need to respect that..

i understand that i am more in love with the image i have created of this man than who he actually is.. i also realize that i percive him in a totally unrealistic way..

feel free to skip over the unimportant details in this story... like most of it for example.. (most of the details i am giving are just for those people who say there arent enough details in all my other stories)


i started talking to him more than a year ago... i heard a song from his band and loved it, but i didnt know the name of the band.. i looked for them for months until i finally found them on myspace..

i usually like to try and contact the members of bands that i like... but i never expect them to answer.. i fact i expect them not to answer
oddly i had no interest in contacting the singer of this band... i had no interest in him what so ever untill i looked at his myspace and read all his blogs... he sounded like a marvelous individual.... like the type of person ive searched for all of my life, but never believed exsisted... so i wrote him a message.. never expecting to hear back from him..

but he did..
he gave me his msn and added me to his friends and we talked...
the first time we talk i was trembling.. from excitement, and amazment.. i almost fainted.. he was so nice to me i actually cried... from joy... i didnt believe it was real.. id been looking for people like him all my life.. people even remotely like me..
we talked every once in a while and he gave me his phone number to text him...
i texted him on and on.. maybe every other day.. the longest i ever went with out talking to him was a month.. and that happened only once in the whole time ive known him..
and around my birthday.. may 4 of this year.. i started talking to him everyday.. we started sending pics... sometimes nude pics... i got really close to him.. but he always keeps a distance.. he doesnt want to hurt me he says..

anyway.. i got obsessed... weve been friends for over a year but i want so much more... i dream of him day and night, wishing he felt the same...

but the answer is always the same... " i hope we can just be friends... i dont want anything more than that from anyone.."
or "i dont want to hurt you... i can never be a boyfriend.. ill always be touring and im not stopping for anyone... and i cant afford to be destracted, im on a fame chase"

lately we dont talk much or not at all... hes been extremely cold to me...
i talk about killing myself and he just says "thats lame" or "you need to calm the fuck down"

i have a hard time even believing we are still friends... it doesnt seem like he cares much, or at all...

i know it is stupid of me to still dream of being with him... but he is the only thing left in the world that can even make me happy at all..
there was a time when he could make the sun shine in my world.. and he still does when hes nice... he makes me happier than i have ever been, how could i not be obsessed..? he makes me feel like no one ever has before, and no one else ever does...
he is the only hope i have of ever being happy again and he doesnt even want me..

what should i do????
what can i do????
what do you do when the only thing that makes you happy you can have?
and isnt even real in the first place? after all, im infatuated with an image that no man could ever live up to, not even him..

[Jennifer]

Hey
I think he is playing with your emotions and you need to break free from him because you are never going to get what you want from him. What he is doing to you is wrong and this is what it is like to be in a relationship with a married man.

I know it will be hard, but you have to break contact because you are the one that is hurting, he is fine with the relationship the way it is and he seems to have issues about relationships.

[sreginabriggs]

it really sounds like you have unhealthy feelings for this guy..a crush is one thing....but emotionally draining feelings that have you suicidal really sounds like you need to be talking to anybody but him. He has not done anything special beyond being a performer that you are truly attracted too. I think you are confusing your feelings of adulation....maybe a little lust with love AND he doesn't seem like a true friend in the way he talks to you when you make references to killing yourself. That's not good and it's someone manipulative on your part which will not make for a happy, healthy relationship in the long run. I think you would be much happier if you allowed yourself the opportunity to have relationships with other people that can be tangible in your life and appreciate you.