Was not sure where to post this

[lonely heart]

Hello, I was unsure about whach sction of the forum I should post this in, so if it is in the wrong section please forgive me.

I am a 28 year old femle from the Caribbean who grew up in a very complicated family, a dunkard abusive father, an over protective gand mother and a complicated heart problem that doctors can no longer fix.
Recently my grand mother who I grew up with passed away and I came to live at my brothers house in an apartment.
Ever since I was a child I would feel lonely and cry myself to sleep. Because I always had to sit and watch every one do things I could not. I qickly became abook worm which helped but that feeling was never far away.
My greatest fear is leaving this life alone and helpless. It is something that nobody in my family will understand if I tell them because to them they are here. to an extent that is true. But I watch my brother and his kids , and my sister who is having one of her own and my cousin who is yonger than I getting married soon and I am happy for them but for some reason I see all the things I ever wanted go down the drain.
I resigned my self thinking that my brothers kids are my own and I will make the best of it. Then last week my doctor told me that my blood is low and I have to take bed rest. I can't take 2 stepts with out having to stop and catch my breath , what hurts is that my 9 month old nephew has more energy than I do and he dose not understand why i have to stop playing with him when he starts.
I have been dealing with this for 28 years, but there are times like now when I just don;t know how to deal any more . God is my strengh I would say but somtimes my strengh is not there. For me one of the hardest thing is being here alone and secondly loosing my independance, I have always done things for my self by myself by force of habbit , and lately I am seeing myself loosing that and becoming a physically dependant on others. I don't know how to deal with that .

[Jennifer]

Hey
I hear your story and can understand how you feel. Are you trying to find some acceptance in your life? I can only say that we are here to listen and give words of encouragement. The strength that you need is within you, always has been and always will be. Just because you do not have physical strenght does not mean you do not have strength in you.