Trying to rebuild trust

dream7girl · Joined: 18 Nov 2008 Posts: 5

My husband and I have been married for 17 years. He is a good man and I love him. 4 years ago he had an emotional affair. It was with a coworker, developed over emails and escallated to private meetings. He confessed, promised to be honest, then 7 months later betrayed my trust with the same woman. I caught him this time. He begged me to stay and swore to be true. I stayed because I love him and I want to believe he wouldn't hurt me again. He is a very good person, caring, compassionate, a good father and before the affair I would have sworn he was the best husband in the world. I understand why and how the affair happened. We are having issues with me not trusting him. I spy on him and when I find something that makes me feel insecure, I confront him.
Recently he was emailing a coworker and the friendship seemed way too flirtasious to me. My fear is he doesn't understand how he got to the affair and will open himself up again if I let my guard down. Just looking for someone to bounce my issues off of so I can either move forward or open my eyes!

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

Hey
Glad to see that you are realistic about your role in this as well as his. Nobody should seek anything outside of the marriage, but they do it because there is something that they are not getting inside the marriage. He keeps on doing the same things over and over and you keep on not trusting him, doesn't make for a good marriage.

Sounds like you two need to work on what is missing from your relationship emotionally and trust issues. Is he open to talking about things?

dream7girl · Joined: 18 Nov 2008 Posts: 5

Some days. Others is is very frusterated and wishes I would let it all go.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

Hey
It is great that you are getting involved in this forum and see that other women struggle with the same issues as you. I also see that you mentioned a book, thank-you and I will put it in the book section as a client recommended.

Sometimes just talking things out helps and makes you feel like you are not alone. I hope that you and your husband can talk things out. You mentioned that you did not trust him before the first emotionaly affair, what was the reason for the non trust?