Trusting After Being Cheated On

[kat9052]

About 2 years ago I was engaged to a guy and we had been together for about a year when he cheated on me on valentines day and again a couple of days before my birthday with his ex-girlfriend and someone who I thought was my friend at the time. I was stupid and married him anyways. After 11 months of marriage we got divorced because I wasn't happy and realized that I could no longer trust him. The things he said about me and the wedding behind my back and the things he said to this other girl while I was still with him have absolutely destroyed me. I have currently been dating and living with my new boyfriend for the past 6 months and I find it hard to trust him even though I have absolutely no reason not to. He has never cheated on a girl before and can be really really sweet and he makes sure that I am taken care of and we work as a team. However the fact that I cannot get over what my ex-husband did to me and just let it go and trust my boyfriend is starting to get between us. He says that it is okay and he understands, but I know it is starting to bother him and I don't want to lose him. I have developed symptoms of Paranoia and am constantly thinking that everyone is lying to me and everyone is out to get me. I worry constantly that he will find someone better and/or cheat on me. I am overly jealous of him talking to any other girl that I don't know and every time his cell phone goes off with a text message I want to know who it is (but I dont ask him, I just hold in the urge to ask). I worry about girls talking to him on his myspace page (which i obviously cannot log into and see his messages), I worry about what he does when he is home and I am at work. I have nightmares about him cheating on me and kicking me out of his house, nightmares so strong that I wake up crying hysterically. I always worry that I am not good enough for him, when deep down I know that I am and it's just my fears taking me over to the point where I am losing control. I've talked to my boyfriend about my issues repeatedly and he says that I have nothing to worry about and he is very supportive. But whenever he wants to play video games instead of hang out with me I even get jealous of the xbox and I can't get these horrible feelings to go away. I have reached the point where I am going to see my doctor in a couple weeks about this, but I refuse to be on anti-depressants because of a bad past with them, so I don't know if he can really do anything for me. Has anyone ever been through something like this or have any advice to help me overcome my fears and paranoia?

[Jennifer]

Glad that you are finally dealing with this and I am sure that you know that your current boyfriend and you are both being hurt by something that someone else did to you in the past. for lack of better words, you need to get over it and move forward because evenutally you will lose your current boyfriend because of it.

he is not creating this in you, you are and you need to let go of the past and move forward in the future.

[depess18]

hi my name is Ali what i could tell u that if u guys a couple and living together he shouldnt hide stuff from u he shouldnt be getting on my space no more because he has u!! And u dont worry he loves u dont let ur past ruin this cute relationship dont u think? ur ex doesnt diserve u going thru all this just forget i know its not easy because my husband cheated on me and when i was pregnant i discover it and it wasent easy but he really loves and he apologize to me and everything its better yesturday i talk to him about it and i let it go all ready today iam feeling better because we talked about it.what i recomend u is that try to do things that would let u forget about it just think that the guy ur with right now he loves u and he wouldnt do something bad to hurt u but u need to go over it when hes not home try to relieve ur self and cry how much u want and trust me ull feel better!! dont think about it because its not worth it no more!!! ok good luck i hope my advice would help!!

[rob88]

My boyfriend and I came across this website, and came across your topic of having trouble being able to trust after being cheated on. Your description of your events is my boyfriend to a T, except for the fact that he's never been married, just conflicts with past girlfriends. He is exactly the same way with everything you've described yourself going through. He knows he needs to let go of the past and move on with his life before his lack of trust keeps us from having a long life together. However, he is having a little trouble figuring out exactly how to let go of the things that have happened to him. Do you have any suggestions on how you've tried to let go of the past and move on? It's comforting to know, for both of us, that there are other people out there going what we're going through. Thank you, and good luck in your relationship.

[kat9052]

Since posting this I have actually talk to my boyfriend about it more and I also saw a psychic because I believe in that stuff. I have this one psychic that I have seen three times and everything he has told me has happened (you can find him on mikethepsychic.com) and he told me everything that I needed to hear about me and my current boyfriend. The xbox situation was solved when we found a video game that we could play together and enjoy. I also went to my family doctor because I was having horrible nightmares to accompany my paranoia (not only did I think my b/f was going to screw me over, I thought everyone was out to get me too) He told me to call the Behavioral help line through my insurance company and he gave me an anti-anxiety prescription. And I have also started doing Yoga. Everything is a LOT better now and I havent even taken any of the antij-anxiety meds yet. My suggestion is to include each other in each others lives as much as possible. Be "attached at the hip" that will prove that you are both being loyal to each other and that you enjoy each other's company. If you need alone time, try doing something in silence together...example: reading. If that doesnt work set up a schedule for alone times or times apart to help the process.