Time to walk away?

[kimberkitten]

I recently became involved with a man who is divorced and, as it turns out, dating the woman who was married to the man his wife left him for. (does that make sense? Now, he says he wants to end things with her and begin/maintain a relationship with me. That the relationship with her should have never gone past the friendship that it was in the first place... so on, so forth. She lives several hundred miles away-they see eah other on weekends, etc; but they do have a long family history together, which is how the affair between their spouses happened in the first place, and they have children who are friends, so this break up will be messy and probably very traumatic for her. (When the original marriages broke up, it was done simultaneously and they were both there present- together. I was nowhere in the picture) Anyhow. Present day.

This person and I began a friendship that developed into an attraction and it seems we both want it to go further, but it can't-obviously- with another woman in the picture. My "paramour"however, seems to think that his girlfriend is too unstable for lack of a better word and can't handle another breakup yet. Either that, or he doesn't quite know how to do it. She's suposed to come down this weekend and I'm supposed to stomach the idea of him being intimate and cozy and pretending that I don't exist while I go on with life. A: It's not fair to me. B: it's not fair to her.

The human in me says how can you make her drive several hundred miles and sleep with you, tell her beautiful things and then in a few weeks, when you find your huevos, break up with her?? OR even not, how can you make her do all of that after you've been with me??

The part of me that has a shred of self preservation asks, what the HELL are you letting him put you through?? What are you letting him put BOTH of you through?

He tells me that it takes him a while to make a decision and to move on it, but when he does it's permanent. He's made his choice, but he doesn't want to break up with her here beause the marriages were ended here and he doesn't think she can handle it. (My response to that is don't let her come down there then. Call her and tell her something has come up and you will be up there next week then.--- I need your input, though)

Do I just let him work this out on his own time, or does this all sound like a guy getting his cake and eating it too?

[Jennifer]

it sounds like both to me, he will eventually have to choose between you and her but he doesn't have the motivation yet to do it so he is eating his cake. sounds like you have decided that you want a relationship with him, but he doesn't seem ready for that and it also sounds like you are not okay with casually dating him so it is not his choice to make it is yours, you need to either give him the time he needs and somehow deal with that or say that you can't do this and let him go. he sounds as if he is used to others making his decisions for him and not good with doing it himself. there are 2 types of people out there. one type makes decisions and the other type waits until a decision is made for them. he sounds like the ladder. hope that answered your question.

what happened with the last relationship?? always good to learn from each one.

[kimberkitten]

boy-oh-boy... We are still friends. not seeing each other.

Thank you for your insight. That does make sense. I've decided to pull back and allow him to make his own decision and I get the gut feeling he is choosing the path of least resistance. Whereas when I was in the picture my intuition told me that I was the more favored option. This leads me to believe that I was simply "led to believe"... Are there any honest relationships out there at all?

[Jennifer]

of course there are, they always take work but I believe that you keep on looking until you find the person that you are meant to be with.