Taking a Step Back Because of Hard Times & Issues

[homebody]

Hi all, it's long but bear with me. I need a few other points of view. My boyfriend and I have been together almost 3 years and we are both well past 35 years of age. 3 weeks ago he decided we needed to take a step back from our relationship. At first it seemed out of the blue but after the initial shock and horrible pain subsided I realized he has been pulling away for some time now. I now understand his comments about me being too good to be true and that he would understand me just getting fed up and walking away. I thought it was just stress and overwork from his business and as he is a man, I gave him the space to deal with whatever is was and hoped he would tell me what was wrong when he was ready.

The day he decided we should take a step back broke down and he cried and was apologetic and told me he loved me so much and that this was so hard. I never seen him so upset and crying like this not even when he had a death in the family last year. He also said that me and this relationship was the only good thing he has going and that he was happy with me but not happy with himself. He didn't want to take me for granted and I end up resenting him and that I deserved better than what he could give now (a man who could buy a house and provide). He went on to tell me about problems with his business and financial problems (which are pretty substantial), how buried he is in work (he helps people in dire financial straits) and apologized for not telling me about it all in the first place. I honestly don't know how he can help people being in the state that he is in, but he needs the money so he continues to take cases and be overwhelmed. He said there was no one else and doesn't want to start again with another person and doesn't want me to either but doesn't feel it's fair for me to wait either (this confuses me). He said that he wasn't breaking up with me but needed to step back to deal with things...but no mention of how long. Later I told him that I thought he was doing this to prevent me leaving first like all his past relationships which included a divorce because his ex-wife cheated on him, got pregnant, and had another man's child over 5 years ago. A few days ago he contacted me to let me know that he is a mess and was going to get counseling (for issues from the past relationships and grief over losing a sibling last year).

I just don't know what to do. The last time we spoke he was down and distant but was trying to make conversation with me even though I could tell he didn't feel like it. He no longer calls me by pet names or says he loves me so I don't either which is hard to get used to. For my own good I have decided to keep contact to a bare minimum to not at all on my part and keep busy and try to go back to my life. He said he wanted to maintain contact and does by a casual text every few days so I did respond because told him I supported his decision to get help and was there if and when he needed me.

I 'm trying to take it like a break up and trying to get past this, even though my heart wants to hang on, my logic tells me that I should not. I just wanted to know any one's thoughts on this. He is just so different this past year and he acknowledges this. I have lost close family members but never wanted to be alone and push away a SO like this. I don't know if I should take the counseling into consideration along with all this external stuff and give it some time or just chalk it up to a loss, deal with the pain of losing my best friend and move on. Any thoughts?

[Jennifer]

unfortuntely it is in his corner about what to do, meaning he needs to get healthy to feel that he can be in a relationship with a healthy person. it is up to you how you want to deal with it. sounds as if you need to deal with it as a break up and try to move forward with your life. in relationships that are meant for the long haul you don't pull away you deal with it together and it sounds as if he isn't ready for that kind of committment with anybody even himself