Step Daughter Issues

[lilnailgal]

This is my story and I really need advise on what to do! My step daughter moved in with my husband and I when she was 16, she is now 26. She came from a horrible home life with her mother. She had no self esteem, confidence in herself and she never felt loved. Now her dad and her have just and "ok" relationship due to the fact that her mother wouldn't let us see her for years at at time. Finally when she was 16 she came to visit, told us how bad things were and I tiold mu husband we neede to help this your daughter.(she had already tried to kill herself) So she moved in and our relationship took a turn for the better. I worked with her about opening up and showing her love. It got to the point that she was like my own daughter in which I have 3 boys, so this was a good thing. For a while things were so good, we shared everything together and went places together. I was falling in love with her as my daughter and she with me as her mom and she asked me if she could call me mom. I was so happy for this to happen! Then she started to smother me and this got progressivly worse over time where my other kids felt neglected and so did my husband. So in tryng to tell her not to get to smothery this bac fired and she got her feelings her. Then things just spirald out of control where we were always arguing to times to the point of getting physical. I was so stressed out by this and couldnt stand to be around her. When she turned 22 I had had enoug and I said time for you to move out, thinking maybe this would make things better in the back of my mind. I mean everthing she did irritated me and I would fly of at her, or if I tried to critize her for lets say something she was wearing in which I thought wasn't flattering and suggesting she put on something else, was all ways her feelings getting hurt. I just couldnt take it! Anyway she move and things were good for a while, we had our normal little tiffs but nothing major. (Keep in mind too that she has cut all ties with her mother about 8 years ago.) about a year ago things went really bad again....she started lying, being decietful, and hiding stuff from me. Which things always have a way of coming back to get us! ( also note that i have access to her bank account...long story!) As an example.....she came into my work one day for a visit and I was with a client and her hair was pulled back and looked really short, and I had asked her if she got her hair cut? She's like "no". Ok I cut hair for a living and usually hers....so I was shocked that she didnt tell me and lied right to my face and infront of a client! WHAT?? So then i just didnt talk to her her about a month....then I texted her and things got back on track....this is how it went for a while...and noticing her account that she was way over spending....I brought it to her attention and she got mad....ok she was a month behind on her rent and eating out is a good option every day she worked? NO!! So things got the point again where everything bother me and upset me....so we would for periods of not speaking to eachother. By now my feeling for her have change and I have to say that I dont love her anymore because of how she has treated me....I have expressed this through text messaging cuz when we talk it ends up in a fight! Well about 5 weeks ago we got into a texting war and I had told her how I felt and why she made me feel the way I felt and she came back at me with some of the most hateful words I have ever heard her say to me....for instance she said the I hurt her and treated her worse then her mother ever did.....I had told her that it seems that she only cares about her mothers side of the family since she is always around them and she said that we dont make her feel welcomed! WHAT??? Just every hurtful thing she could say to me! Then again we didnt talk so 3 weeks after that incident i was doing some online banking and noticed some charges on her account...one to a uhaul place and the other to usps for an address change.....So she moved and idint even tell us! Unbelievable!! This was it for me! I felt like that was suck a slap in the face....kinda like an F--- YoU!! So now I am so mad and copletley devestated and I again text her and was like what is going on? and she was like well you werent talking to me and I had alot going on. So she sum up what was going on and was like I sent you guys something in the mail....that was 2 1/2 weeks ago! she acted like what she did was ok...not tell her family that she moved!! I just want to disconnect myself from her and have nothing to do with her...I hate her so muchright now for making me and her dad feel this way! I have takin some pictures of her off my walls because its too painful._ I have had nightmares about her and this whole situation and I have had so many headaches that I lost track of them...I just want to feel better and try to move on but I dont know how.....I really need some help before I lose my mind! :cry:

[Jennifer]

i think distance right now is a good thing. she is an adult now and its time she starting acting like one and you treating her like one. if she is behind on her rent then she has to learn to deal with such things because she is 22. you need to back off and she and you need to form a new relationship as adults not such much as mother/daughter.

[lilnailgal]

Ok....well how do I stop obsessing about everthing that involves her....I cant stop thinking about everything.... thats my biggest problem....its in my mind constantly! Like i said I have loss sleep over this and get headaches, upset stomaces, ect. I can distance myself but how do I stop thinking about things?

[Jennifer]

you need to find new things in your life to think about/worry about. you tell me what you can focus on. do you remember how you felt when a relationship ended? it was really hard at first especially in the beginning but as time when on it got easier, the same applies here.