Stay or Go

[Capricorn73]

I have been in a relationship with a man for almost a year now. It started off as just work friends, then moved to serious in about 5 months. He is 5 years younger than me. ( I am 35 he is 30). He is everything I could have wanted in a man, and more. I see him every day. We sometimes take breaks and lunch together. He walks me out to my car every day, and we talk for a while before we go to our respective homes.

The problem is that he is married, with 2 small kids (7 & 1). I knew this when I met him. When we were just friends I was content to be just that, because morally it is just wrong to become involved with a married person. He is the one who gave me his cell number first. A couple of months later he left for a week on a business trip. I suggested he call me if he got board, and we could talk. He was gone for 6 days and called me 22 times. During those conversations we discovered a lot of personal things about each other, we laughed and I cried, and just connected.

The day he came back into town, he stopped by my place before he went home. He stayed with me for a couple of hours, we did not have sex, although we both wanted to, we just laid on my bed and he held me and we talked, we laughed, and I cried. He told me he loved me, and I couldn't respond because I wasn't sure what it was I was feeling. He knew how I felt before I did. It wasn't until a couple of months that I finally told him that I loved him. He had to coax it out of me though.

Anyway, he has been back over several times since. Everything he has done is because he wanted to. I have never asked him for anything. He gives me time when he can. and when he does, it is magical. We still haven't had sex (orally or otherwise), I am ok with that for now. We talk, make out a little, engage in a bit of foreplay, but that it all.

I myself have never been in a relationship before. I enjoyed the attention he gave me. Most people see just the surface of others, but he is the first man who lookes beyond the surface and sees me truly. I don't have to be anything other than me. I am a bit overweight and he is ok with that, he says I am sturdy. He can squeeze me without being afraid to break me.

My issue is that I know how he feels about me, he knows how I feel about him. We have bonded on an emotional level, like I have never felt before. As of this time, he isn't going to leave his wife, nor is she going to leave him. She knows about me though. We finally met at the Christmas party, talk about awkward! We want to stay in this relationship to see how far it can go, but, I don't know how long I can wait on him. There hasn't been anyone before him and I am afriad there won't be anyone else after.

I just don't know what else to do.

[Jennifer]

Okay bottom line is that your relationship is not perfect and he is not perfect. He is cheating on his wife for you and if he cheats on her than in all likelihood he will cheat on you too. He has no plans to leave his wife and he is getting what he wants and needs from you.

what are you getting from him? Of course there will be other men out there for you, being involved with a married person is just that no more and no matter how it ends up, people are going to get hurt.

if you are okay with what you have and what you get from him, then stay but if you are dreaming it can be more than get out now before you get hurt. glad to hear there has been no physical intimacy yet and that is a big YET because once you do it will be harder to walk away.

your decision to make either way it is going to be hard to do. do you have a support system, friends, family that you can talk too?

[Capricorn73]

Thank you for a prompt reply.

He told me once that he never thought of cheating on his wife before me. It just never occured to him. He doesn't know what it was that has drawn him to me, but there was something.

I don't expect him to leave his wife, I never did. But, there is a shadow of a hope.

What I get from him is the attention. The feeling that finally someone loves me, for me. That I feel protected, and cared for. I see it in his eyes. I never blieved in a soul mate until know. I feel like he is the missing piece in my life. He has even talked about having kids with me. I didn't give him an answer on that one.

Everything in my head is screaming for me to cut bait and run, but my heart says stay and wait it out. The bare bones is that I am not as happy as I could be if he was single.

I used to talk to a friend, until I found out she was telling others. So, at this point no, I don't have anyone to talk to.

[Jennifer]

I have never been a believer in settling and you are settling for something that you do not want.

whether you end it today or in a couple of months, it is going to end you just have to decide how you want it to end and how much hurt you can handle.

doing it on your terms will reduce your pain a bit and trust me you will get over him. you deserve more.

[Capricorn73]

You have given me some food for thought. Thank you for your kind words. I do need to end it, I just have to figure out how.

Thanks Again!

[Jennifer]

your welcome, no matter how you do it, it will not be easy but just think how much harder it will be later.

good luck and we are here for support if you need us