PLEASE, HELP!!!

lonley_crystal · Joined: 05 Jan 2009 Posts: 5 Location: PORTLAND, OR

hey everyone!!! just trying anything i can to get some help... now, i really have to trim this essay down, cuz if not i would be writting all day, so here goes:

i got married when i was 18. went through a very mentally, emotionally, and phisically abusive relationship. needless to say, on top of all of that, both of us had a meth habbit. got clean, had 2 children with the guy, split up, had another kid with the guy i'm with now, and i feel like i'm loosing my mind. the guy i'm with now couldn't be anymore perfect. but i feel like i haven't had time to deal with what i've been through and i've been taking out all of my anger on my current boyfriend. i mean, i am really scared what i am capible of when i get even the slightest bit mad. but how do i cope and deal with my anger, when it could take my whole life to get over. and it's even more fustrating because i feel like my boyfreind is having a hard time being there for me, in the way i need him to. i just don't know what to do, and i really need to stop all the tension in my house, and try to live a peaceful life as a family. does anyone have any suggestions? PLEASE

lonely_crystal
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LONLEY_CRYSTAL

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

Okay, first of what are you so angry about? Might be apparent to you but you left that out and since you got off the meth what have you been using as a coping mechnaisms. how did you get off the meth because that is a feat upon itself? good for you!

lonley_crystal · Joined: 05 Jan 2009 Posts: 5 Location: PORTLAND, OR

sorry, i didn't specify... before i got with my current boyfriend, i was married to my first 2 kids' dad. and during that whole relationship, he cheated on me, beat me up, locked me in a room for days, took my car, played mind games, held a knife to me and a loaded gun, just unimaginable things a person who loves you. ya know? well, to cope with my drug use now, my kids take care of that, and DHS gave me the biggest reason to quit; keeping my kids. hope this helps, and thanks for the praise!

lonley_crystal

lonley_crystal · Joined: 05 Jan 2009 Posts: 5 Location: PORTLAND, OR

this is my blog on google. i actually had a little bit of time to explain. so i hope this helps. sorry it starts ya back all the way to the beginning...

hey everybody, my name is crystal, and i'm 24, seperated/but have a boyfriend, 3 kids (3,2,1, seriously...), and i will try to go slow, and make myself easy to understand, cuz that's hard for me. well, when i was very yound, i started smoking pot, then at the age of 14 i started doing meth, crank, coke, and speed. it carried on until i was 21. in the midst of all the drugs, i left home at the age of 17, met a guy, moved in with him day 1. married him 8 months later, and little did i know, he had my mind wrapped totally around his finger. to try to shorten this up a little... me and this man did drugs together, he beat me, locked me in rooms and left me there for days, took my vehicle, had his friends hold me down, constantly antaganize me, told me "if i love(d) him" i would use a needle, lied to me all the time, cheated on me with over 10 girls... i mean, he totally tore me down, from the inside-out. needless to say, i had, not one-but two kids with him. and the second one was very much pushed on me.

well, because of all he put me through-i have so much anger, i'm really scared of what i'm capible of when i get mad. since i finally got away from him, i met a man who is literally 99% perfect. the only problem i have with him is that he procrastinates, and has a hard time communicating to me, but not to his friends. stupid me, we also have a child together now. now this isn't the only problem we have, and we've had this problem since the third child was added, so my blood is just boiled about that subject alone.

now stay with me here.... like i said, that's not our only problems, this is where i really need help on what i should do, or where i should go, or what!... i'm creating problems that don't even exists, everyday. we have screaming matches about 2-3 times a week (in front of the kids, of course). and i have so much anger, that i punched him in the back this last fight. and to try to sum up my story; i don't think i've had time to deal with what my ex-husband put me through, but i met this wonderful, great guy, and don't want to loose him-but i can't quit acting out, and picking fights. and i really do hate drama, i swear, i just don't feel like my boyfriend is there for me like a friend-so i feel like i have to way to vent my problems, and then i just end up blowing up at him; no matter if it's his fault i'm mad, or not. we are both a little emotionally immature, and selfish in different ways. and my questions to you all is:

will we ever be able to make it work? (cuz my parents like him; but they sure think we won't)
what do i do to deal with my anger?
how do i get him to open up, and be more of a friend for me?
how do i get him to stop procrastinating, without nagging him?
how do we move on from here as a couple? what do we do?

PLEASE HELP!!!

warm reguards,
crystal
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LONLEY_CRYSTAL

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

okay so you got out of the past but your still living in it with the anger? What do you do with the anger when it gets to be too much? can you think of anything productive to do with it. Sounds like you need to make peace with your past so you can move forwards with your future.

the praise is all yours, you did it and will be able to do this too.

lonley_crystal · Joined: 05 Jan 2009 Posts: 5 Location: PORTLAND, OR

yeah, i'm really aware of what i'm feeling and what i need to do, i just have no clue what to do to take the first step. i was too busy doing drugs instead of growing up and learning how to deal with my problems, now i have all this on me and have no clue how to deal with it. and about my anger, that's the problem; other than venting to someone (which venting to my boyfriend is the worst), i feel like i have to break something, or yell and scream, or something stupid-just to feel any better.
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LONLEY_CRYSTAL

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

are you a na believer? if so the steps are very helpful even if you are not a believer, it can help you find a new way to cope with life that you never learned. since you used drugs at that age, you bascially never matured and lost those important growing years and now you have to learn coping skills.

lonley_crystal · Joined: 05 Jan 2009 Posts: 5 Location: PORTLAND, OR

yeah, na is great. i just have one problem with it; it tells everyone to believe in a higher power and the fact that i believe only you can be your higher power comes in the way of that.
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LONLEY_CRYSTAL

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

a higher power is anything that you want it to be. i had someone tell me this story once and thought it was great. He didn't believe in all that higher power stuff and he was standing by the coffee machine at the meeting and someone came up to him and they started talking. He told the guy that he didn't believe in the higher power, but he wanted to get clean. The guy asked him what he believes in. The guy said coffee. So, from then on, he made the coffee machine his higher power because each time he took a cup at the meeting, he knew he wasn't getting high.

Whether you go or just do the steps yourself, you need to gradually change within yourself and that is a great way to go about doing it.