New Here... Marriage Issues

[Berrybug]

Financially speaking, I cannot support the children alone, though that is not the only motivation for staying. He is emotionally unstable, in my opinion, and he has told me before that if I were to leave him he would kill himself. I don't know if he really would or not.. or if that's just a manipulation tactic to keep me where he wants me, but either way, it's a burden I cannot deal with, and a chance I won't take.

I would love for the relationship to work out. I would love for us to be friends and I wish I could feel like I could confide in him, but I cannot. He is very judgmental and instead of listening, he goes off on tirades. The things that he says about members of my family really hurt. Of course, later he says he didn't mean any of them, but I heard them just the same. I'm very selective about what I share with him because I try to avoid unpleasant conversations.

And that fact annoys him because he says he has to walk on eggshells around me. Maybe he does. I don't know.. I feel the same way around him. I want so badly for things to be peaceful.

[Berrybug]

Another issue is loyalty... he really goes on and on about it when he's drunk and preaching to me. He feels that if I don't support everything he does, that I'm choosing my family over him.

For example: He works for them. I wish he would get a job elsewhere because he has a teaching degree and could do so, but he does not like change and would rather say that no one would hire him because he's in his thirties instead of trying to find a different job. Sometimes he gets angry with them (which, hey, people get angry with their employers all the time, so that's not a big deal). What gets me is that he'll talk about taking them down... ruining the company they worked 33 years to build.. just because they crossed him. And if I get angry when he says those things, I'm being disloyal to him.

I am to support him no matter what. End of discussion.

I find this unacceptable and it's a major bone of contention in our house. One of many, apparently!

[Jennifer]

Yes, sounds like he is stuck in his ways and only in his thirties, what is to come? Are you still in love with him?