Need advice on techniques to deal with(downplay) criticism

[77fusion]

hi all, im hoping you can offer some advice for me.

wife and i are having our first kid shortly. we have both agreed that doing everything we can to help her have a low-stress/stress-free pregnancy is a high priority for us. trying our best, not always with success. here's the rub:

she has become increasingly critical of things in general, but specifically, me and things i do. in a truly objective way, i can say that i am a pretty good partner. in addition to being the primary breadwinner of the household, i cook dinner ~5-6 days a week, help clean the house, will run out at a moments notice to get whatever she feels she wants to eat, try my best to be supportive, ask her about her day and how she is doing, do most of the grocery shopping, manage the house, etc. i generally try to be a good guy. im not a "go out with the guys"/drinker type; if i have an elective event to attend, and she prefers i stay home to do x/y/z, i defer.

i am, on a somewhat regular basis, hearing just general complaints about damn near everything. if i cook a meal, she would VERY rarely say something like "thanks for cooking"; i'll more than likely hear about how i didnt use the right baking pan, or she doesnt like the food, etc. i fixed a hole she put in the drywall recently by accident; all she said was "it looks terrible". she'll criticize how i manage my time. these are a few examples of the types of things i hear, on average, every other day or so.

im the kind of person that grew up talking through things in a practical manner. so it's very hard for someone to say something critical of me that's not justified, and not just try to discuss it. im not a fighter, per se, just a communicator. the problem is that the mere discussion of these things with her turns into these big blowouts where she gets super mad at me, and accuses me of "just caring about my ego" and not being supportive of her at all-crying, hysterics, etc-when im just trying to calmly discuss with her why it depresses me to regularly hear about how i need to grow up and am generally doing things wrong.

i understand that pregnancy is a hormonal rollercoaster, and i try my best to sympathize. my first priority right now is the health of the baby, thus, i have committed myself to not mentioning the emotional toll the constant comments take on me. she needs to be happy for the next 3 months, bottom line. what i need help with is how to essentially "internalize", or deal with internally, regular criticism. im just not built to hear things like "all you care about is yourself"/"grow up"/etc, and then 5 minutes later, act like the conversation didnt happen. but i need to learn how. maybe 6 months from now or something, i can try an approach that involves communication with her, but for now, due to the baby, that's not an option.

advice? thanks for the help.

[Jennifer]

Hey
First of all congrats on the pregnancy! Yes you do need to find an outlet whether it be exercising a hobby or just something that you enjoy. Your wife is not rational right now and it wiLl stay like this for awhile. My husband joked that I should have a different hair color when I was pregnant. If you and your wife had a good relationship before then you can again. Doubt there is anything that you can say or do with her to make her understand how you feel because its not her its the hormones. Glad that you are reaching out for help instead of getting upset or doing something you will regret.

[77fusion]

thanks. the problem is not that i dont have hobbies/things to do/etc that i can walk away and do to get my mind off of it, the problem im having is that doing that(walking away) can turn things into a fight. im trying to find a way i can basically train myself to think it's not a big deal, or blow it off, when im getting criticized. any ideas?

[Jennifer]

hey
you need to tell me how you deal with things in general, you can try shutting her out and focusing on something happy such as the baby or at sane times you can talk to her and ask her how you can deal with this. you have a few months to go and once the baby is born things will continue to be challenging. glad to hear that you have outlets. when i said you can use outlets, didn't mean when she is ranting that you just walk out while she is ranting that would not go over well at all, but a physical release such as boxing, cardio, yoga, anything that you can burn off some steam, heck even a steam or sauna room will help. something to get you back on track and able to deal with more.