Marital Problems and Debt

[Myangel]

It all started when my husband was hospitalized 2 yrs ago and was diagnosed of diabetes and pain Neuropathy, Since then he was suffering from pain in his feet,and been taking pain medication, Because of that he quit his job and did not work for 2 yrs. I was the only one making money and paying all the bills, We also have 1 child together. He was gambling and verbally abused me since we've been together. Because of financial problems I applied for personal loan and max out my credit cards to pay our bills. I'm 10,500 in debt. I left him a couple of months ago because I couldn't take it anymore. I moved in with my sister to another state and I took my son with me. As of now Im only working part time, I applied to many full time jobs but most of them I have to start part time. My Husband wants us to get back together , he said he was sorry for everything he has done, and that he could not live without me and our son. He got 1 full time & part time job. My parents knew about it and doesn't want me to go back, They want me to go back to our country and pursue nursing because I have a medical degree, I've been wanting to go back to school but don't have money to do it. My parents said they will pay for everything and will take care of my son while Im in school. Im thinking how about my debt? Im also thinking of filing for divorce when Im finish with school. I told my husband about my plans and that Im taking our son with me, He said ok and willing to make travel consent Letter, But he said he wants to see us first before we leave, I told him he could visit us while Im here with my sister but he said he was too busy at work, Instead he wants us to go back there and visit him . Im really confuse don't know what to do with my debt and how to tell my husband that Im planning to file for divorce once im done with school. I don't want anymore to hurt my family, My parents are so worried and depress when they knew about my problems and that Im thinking of going back to him for the sake of our son. My mom doesnt like him from the start. I hope you could give me some advice.

[Jennifer]

i am not sure where you stand on this, do you want to get back together with him? Is he willing to work on the marriage and help you pay down the debt? Could you go to school and still live with him? What country would you need to travel too? Is he just saying to visit him so you can be convinced to get back together with him?

[Myangel]

Im confuse because i dont know if i should go back to my husband and give him another chance, or follow my parents. My family wants me to go to the philippines and study again. So that when i come back here in US i can have a nice job. No, he will not help me pay my debt because he has his own debt to pay. If I stay with him I wont be able to study because I have to help him pay our bills, and take care of my son. I worked nights for 2 years full time, then when im home i take care of my son because he usually goes out and hang out with his friends, sometimes gambling. We have a joint account and i always put my money there so i can pay our bills, A couple of times he withdraw money and never repay me. He still calls me and he said he wants us to get back together. When i moved in here with my sister i decided to start a new life without him. Then after a couple of weeks my sister told me her husband got job offers from another state. ( husband is retired military). Thats when i told my husband maybe ill reconsider going back, because i dont want to put stress on my sisters family if they decided to move to another state. And im also worried that I wont be able to get a full time job here. Then my parents called and I told them that maybe its better for me to just go back to my husband and patch up things and to give him another chance. They said no!!! they said if I will go home to the philippines they will pay for my tuiton fee if i wanted to go back to school. They dont want us to get back together. My parents are now depress because of my situation and problems.

[Jennifer]

sounds like you have a great supportive family but that is not going to help you make your decision. sounds as if going home and studying is your best option right now. if he is already saying he won't help you then that is not a marraige you want to go back to it.

take loving him out of the equation and take what your family wants out of the equation and figure out what is best for you and your son.

[Myangel]

Thanks very much for your understanding and advice. You're right I have to think of whats best for myself and my son. Thanks very much.

[Jennifer]

your welcome. talk to him and find out why he wants you from you and if you can piece your life back. can you trust him?

[Myangel]

To be honest I dont trust him, I just have this feeling that probably after a few months he will be back in his old ways. He is bad with money, and also has anger management problem. I talked to him about it, and even suggested to him to undergo treatment but he said he doesnt have a problem. Actually it may sound funny but he always want attention, not only from me but also from the people around him. He always say that he is sick and suffering from pain etc etc.. he is not even using insulin, just oral medication. he always say he is not feeling well because of the medicines he is taking, i told him probably of the pain medication, told him to tell his doctor to change the med if he thinks he cannot handle the side effects, so he can go back to work. He only started looking for a job when i left him and his unemployment benefits ended. My parents been married for almost 50 years, I also want to be like that, but I told myself if im just going to be miserable and unhappy might as well just end it. I also want my son to grow in a happy environment.[/img]

[Jennifer]

seems as such you are leaning to go back home. does your son miss his dad? does he ask about him?