Love w/a Rocky Start

Krieger · Joined: 10 Oct 2009 Posts: 10

I am seeking counseling for my relationship issues. I can't afford therapy in most places because my insurance doesn't cover it. I really need a support system or someone to talk to. Any suggestions?

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

hey
firstly, do you have a support sytem people for you to talk too. what keeps yu busy? seems you had a lot of time to write/think about this. bottom line is you can't trust him and that is the base of a relationsship. if you and him are going to work the lines of communication need to open up. you shouldn't have to read emails, he should have told you about this and you two should have decided how to handle it as a couple.

Krieger · Joined: 10 Oct 2009 Posts: 10

Thank you for reading all of that! I really appreciate your imput and think you are absoultely right. I don't feel I have a support system. I'd love to get one.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

therapy can help with that but it would be best if you find some interests/hobbies and find people of similar intersts as you.

Krieger · Joined: 10 Oct 2009 Posts: 10

Do you think I can't trust him because he can't be trusted? Or simply because I am not willing to? Interested in your input...

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

i think he has given you reason not to trust him more times than he deserves to the point where now you question everything he does. I know you say that he has great qualities and I'm sure he does, but if you can't trust the one you love, then what is there to go on?

Krieger · Joined: 10 Oct 2009 Posts: 10

I ask myself this same question. Thank you Sad

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

no problem, nobody can really tell you how to feel or what to do, you just need to do what is right at the time. you want to trust him but can't tough place to be in with the one you love

Krieger · Joined: 10 Oct 2009 Posts: 10

That's an excellent way of putting it, because it really is plain and simple. I don't know how many ways I need to hear it, or confirm that my feelings are valid, but I guess I'm just searching for an answer to an uncertainty. I appreciate your support.

Krieger · Joined: 10 Oct 2009 Posts: 10

I guess I have more to say... you know, it's like I'm on an emotional see-saw with him. Some days I feel high and confident in us, other days I'm just the opposite. Nothing happens, I just get to thinking and start doubting him, and wondering if there's some secret way he still keeps in touch with her. On those days, I will seriously wonder if he has resorted to that. I'm very invested in this person at this point, and no one has ever been as good to me as he has. These have been the healthiest, safest, and most comfortable years of my entire life. He is my best friend and in that respect, I feel like I can trust him, but on a romantic maturity level, I'm just not sure where he's at. I feel like I've seen in at in guys being immature, while masquerading as otherwise and insisting upon having a "monogomous" relationship. He's an intellectual type, who can really articulate himself and talk openly about feelings. He is extremely capable of comprehending most anything, and he gives me things that not even my own family did emotionally. He is by far the most generous and supportive person I've ever been romantically involved with on one hand, but on the other hand, I feel like if I get any further inclination that I he will cause me heart ache in the future, I should just end it immediately, and save myself the trauma of going through another upside-down life turning event. I have no patience or energy left for that, and as a 30 year old woman, I need something substantial and stable in my life to work with. He assures me that's him, but many men have done that before him and failed me. He has been the most attentive person to my needs and feelings, but sometimes I feel as though no matter what he offers me, I am stuck on page one with him because of what he did at the beginning of our relationship. After having read his private conversations between his X and him, my gut told me that it's more realistic that he has just learned to be descrete about their conversing... (a "shut her up" kind of thing), thinking it's harmless to continue talking to his X in private, but of course it never is harmless, meanhile telling me it's over between them. I can't imagine him living without her, or me replacing her, after what I read between them but he assures me I have. This haunting suspicion is what lead me to read emails in the past, which like you said, I shouldn't have to do and I hate doing! But sometimes I get this overwhelming need to dig for the truth, as if he isn't giving it to me. I want to be free from these jaded uncertainties I feel with him, but I'm affraid I don't know how. I go back and forth between blaiming myself for not knowing how to let go, forgive and trust, to blaiming him for creating this realm of uncertainty that I sometimes live in. His ploy is that I do this to myself because he is "always honest and open, and has done nothing wrong". Sigh

Krieger · Joined: 10 Oct 2009 Posts: 10

I MEANT: I feel like I've seen in all, with guys being immature, while masquerading as "men" and insisting upon having a "monogomous" relationship. You know how some guys can be so developed in some aspects, but completely lacking in others?

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

sounds like you want a commitment from him more than you already have, ready to take the next step. if your relationship doesn't have a future then its time to cut your losses. how do you feel about spending the rest of your life with him?

Krieger · Joined: 10 Oct 2009 Posts: 10

Yes yes and yes. You have it pinned. I do want that. That is what I want. I guess it's too early for that since it's only been 2 years but some people get engaged that early.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

2 years is more than enough time to know if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone. Why do you think 2 years is too early?

Krieger · Joined: 10 Oct 2009 Posts: 10

You know what? I agree with you. It IS enough time... I don't need to feel like I'm asking for too much because I'm not. So I will be waiting. I suppose it's only a matter of time before I become impatient for him to man up, unless he does in due time. Here we go with a whole different issue... waiting for your man to propose!