Just Plain Tired

[katkins1985]

My husband is constantly nagging me about the condition of our house. He said last night that he would leave if I didn't do a better job of cleaning. I love my husband and I try to keep up the best that I can. It is hard when you are the only one doing the housekeeping. How can I make my husband see that I am trying to be productive? He gets upset because I do not use my time wisely. It is my time! I can use it however I please! What can I do to talk with him. I get frustrated because it is always his way! Please help!

[Jennifer]

firstly does your husband have chores to do and does he do them. what is his idea of a clean house? do you have children? what are your days like and how do you spend your days?

[katkins1985]

My husband takes care of the outside work, but I help him when he needs help or wants it. His idea of a clean house is spotless, shiny, everything has a place. We do not have any children, but are planning. I have a full time job, I am an insurance agent. We live on a farm so there are chores that need to be done. I come home and do laundry and make dinner and then I sit down and watch t.v. an hour at the most because I DVR all my shows and only watch them when I have time. I get home at 6:00 and I normally am in bed by 10:00. We I work 6 days a week. Sunday I like to have me time and catch up on things that I have missed. He says that I am being lazy and I should be doing something.

[Jennifer]

can you afford to hire a cleaning person?

[Jennifer]

can you afford to hire a cleaning person?
is he critical of everything or just the household chores?

[katkins1985]

No we can not afford to hire a cleaning person. He can be critical about other things. I am not very careful when it comes to money and that is discouraging to him. He can buy what ever he pleases but I can't even buy a pair of shoes. Because it is wasteful, and I have lot of other shoes. Things are so confusing. When I told him not to use divorce as a way to make me clean he said that he wasn't he was telling me that was what was going to happen.

[Jennifer]

sounds like there is more going on than just the cleaning problem. how often does he threaten divorce? is divorce an option for you? has he always been this critical or is it recent. it could be steming from something else?

[katkins1985]

It could be more than a cleaning problem. I told him last night that I would keep the house clean and then we would see if there were any other problems. He doesn't threaten divorce a lot only when he is feeling pressured or things are not going his way. When we are under a strain to meet the bills. Divorce is not a option for me. i am dedicated to the relationship. We have been together for 8 years, but married for one. It can be so difficult he says that I only clean when I am mad. I clean because there is nothing else to do when he is yelling at me. He says that he loves and that everyone was right it.......is easier to be single than it is to be married. I try so hard to be a good wife. It never seems like it is enough. Will it ever be enough?

[Jennifer]

it is difficult to be in a relationship it is a series of compromises. so, does he recongize when the stress is higher he is more critical?

[katkins1985]

I think that when something is bothering him he tends to take it out on me. He knows that it is not right but he continues to do it. I have been trying to keep the house clean but I never had rules and boundries as a child. There was never any one there to help me or tell me to pick up my clothes. He had the dream house and mother. How can a get him to understand that we are different people?

[Jennifer]

you are going to have to stand up to him and make him realize he did not marry his mother and that you work full time too. sounds like both of you need to bend and compromise in order to make this work.