Issues with the past

[Meagh]

I dated someone for six years, throughout most of high school and undergrad. We broke up because he cheated on me, he swore it was only a kiss, but he did not tell me until months after it occurred and I felt betrayed and didn't want to be "one of those girls" who let their boyfriends cheat and get away with it.

We have been broken up for nearly three years but have remained friends and every time I see him I still feel that I am in love with him. He had a serious girlfriend up until a few months ago. On numerous occasions he has told me that he still loves me, that I am who he thinks about before he goes to bed and when he wakes up in the morning... but at the time he had his girl friend so I wouldn't respond to these statements, because I didn't want to be "that girl".

We both stood in a wedding this summer and ended up spending a lot of time together and it just reinforced to me that I still love him. The problem is I am scared to say anything to him. He lives on the other side of the country so I often feel there is no point in telling him. And I suppose I don't want to seem like the pathetic ex girlfriend who never got over him. I'm just confused about these feelings and they keep me from moving on and finding someone else. What are some strategies to truly get over an ex?

[Jennifer]

It is natural to feel like you still love him because he is comfortable to you. Have you been in a serious relationship since him? Did you two ever talk about what was going on in your relationship when he cheated? There are always reasons why people cheat and it takes two to make a relationship work. Seems like you have to resolve this before you can move on.

Do you still love him or the idea of him?

[Meagh]

I haven't been in a serious relationship since him. I have dated but it seems when things are on the brink of getting serious I close up and back away. I find myself comparing them to my ex and always feel they aren't as good a match for me. I know it's unfair to compare them or my feelings but I can't help it.
We have talked about what was going on when he cheated. There were a few things, first off he found a journal entry I had written about how young we were when we got together and how I often wonder where I would be or what I would be doing if he wasn't in the picture and how I felt I would have travelled more and done more if we hadn't gotten together so young. He said it really hurt him and made him feel that I didn't want to be in a relationship with him and somewhere unconsciously he feels as if he was giving me a way out. Secondly, he tells me that he was very drunk at the time (I do not really accept this excuse) and that the girl had been trying to go out with him for about a year and this particular night we were in a fight about him calling me at 2 in the morning and he just finally gave in. Finally, he has said that back then he was immature and didn't appreciate what he had or really contemplate the consequences of his actions.
I ask myself the question of if I love him or the idea of him often. And I think I still love him. When I think about the feelings I have for him, they aren't there only because of what we had in the past but also because of the way we still interact. And the way he still looks at me and makes me feel. If anything ever happened to me or my family I know he would drop everything and be there for me, even if I didn't ask, he just seems to know what I need him... and most of all I still get that I can't live without you feeling whenever he leaves.

[Jennifer]

It sounds like you have never let go and he is your go to guy. To move on you would need to cut ties from him. you are not being fair to yourself and might be glorifying him. He cheated instead of talking to you and he moved on. You seem to want to open up a conversation with him so what do you have to lose?

seems like you need to talk to him and find out if your feelings are now or in the past.