Is it time to call it quits

Viola · Joined: 01 Sep 2008 Posts: 3 Location: South Africa

I am mother of 3 and my husband cheated me about 4 yeras ago with work colleague. Now my problem is that he has many woman friends form his workplace, he phones them now and then. His itemised bill is vieweable on the internet and sometime he phones one number 3 to 4 times a day and when l phone that number a woman answers and these woman claim to be his friends from work and every time this happens its different woman all together.Whenever l ask him, we always end up fighting and on most of these fights he ends physically abusing me.I have asked him to go for counselling but he says counselling doesn`t work its all in one`s haert to cahnge.

Recently l traced one of those numbers he keeps calling and it was one of these woman friends.l decided that enough was enough and asked him to leave, he has been away for a week last night hecame back, i didnt ask him why and he also didn`t say anything.l really do nit know what to do please advice.
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VWA

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

You need to talk to him about it. It is a trust issue that you do not trust him and might not have forgiven him completly anyways.

The only way your relationship will work is if you both are willing to work on it and he has to be completely honest with you. Can you openly talk to him?

educatedleader · Joined: 02 Sep 2008 Posts: 12

Viola,

I am unsure if you realize it, but I think your husband may really be cheating on you. This happened to me several times with guys along the way. Because I am such a detective I was able to catch them before taking the big step. Perhpas you should dig a little deeper and see what you can find.

Viola · Joined: 01 Sep 2008 Posts: 3 Location: South Africa

We don`t even talk these days he comes from work, have his dinner , bath and head straight to bed after that. I am afraid of starting a talking to him about this issue just in case we end up fighting again, he still phones the lady.

As for lovemaking there is completely nothing going on there. I am awake half the night and last night l had to move to my kids ` bedroom to avoid asking him why he came back , while he still phones the other woman.
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VWA

Viola · Joined: 01 Sep 2008 Posts: 3 Location: South Africa

Jenny l have been trying to forgive him but its very hard to trust him as he still so attached to these woman colleagues. Sometimes i tell myself to believe that there are just friends but the frequency of the phone calls makes me wonder if its only friendship. I have girlfriends but l don`t even phone them on a daily basis or worse 3 times in a day.
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VWA

educatedleader · Joined: 02 Sep 2008 Posts: 12

Viola,

I am concerned about your self esteem. Perhaps you should consider living on your own. Perhaps find proof of the cheating from an outside agency and begin your life anew. I think it will be for the best. Think it over.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

Probably cheating, viola, is that something that you can live with? When you cheat once, then you cheat again.