Infatuated???

anthony · Joined: 12 Aug 2008 Posts: 6

Hi, I would like to tell a little bit about my background. I am working in a foreign county and I have a girl friend back in my home country. I could go back to home country once a year about for 3 weeks to 1 month. I have been working in foreign for more than 2 years. From 1 and half years ago, I get to know my country girl in foreign country. Since we know each other, we both know that she has a boy friend and I have a girl friend. We used to talk over the phone. We used to solve each difficulties. We used to see each other sometime. Not very frequently. And I start to have passion on her and I start to get angry when she didn't contact me.
And finally we quarrel and cut out the relationship. During that time, I felt so bad and miss her so much. So after a month, I told that that I think I love her so much. She didn't say anything but she keep asking me whether I can leave my current girlfriend. I have no idea at all and I didn't answer well. Since then I felt so bad and can't even forget her even a single day. I am waiting her phone call, waiting her to see at somewhere else. And I am thinking myself that she is my soul mate and I could have been fallen in love her for so many lifes ago. But it didn't happen to have a life partner. The problem is I could not leave my girlfriend in anyway. We are bound to marry and all the family members have agreed already.
I was trying to get off that girl from my mind so hardly. But I really can't. The moment I meet her even a few minutes, I went crazy again.
please advise.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

sounds like you do have a situation. when is your marriage happening? is it an arranged marriage? if you leave your girlfriend, what would happen?

anthony · Joined: 12 Aug 2008 Posts: 6

It is not an arranged marriage. We have been getting in love each other for 8 years already. I know that I still love my girlfriend. I can't leave her also. But at the same time I love hopelessly the other girl. I really can't leave my girlfriend for sure. I told the other girl that I need sympathy and understanding from her. I want her to accept that this kind of love could be happened. It is not that I want to have another girlfriend in another place. But that girl think that I am insulting her or trying to use her and I have no point to tell about my love to her despite of having current girlfriend.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

If you have no intentions of leaving your girlfriend, then you need to respect whatever the other girl gives to you because you cannot give yourself completely to her when you are in love with two people. Not sure what it is that you want from her?

anthony · Joined: 12 Aug 2008 Posts: 6

I am also not sure what I want from her. May be I am addicted of making relation with her. For example. We have been talking over the phone almost 1 year before we go to bed. That type of experience is new to me and I didn't even get it with my girlfriend. I still want to contact her like we know each other at earlier days. Now she is not contacting me anymore. I don't dare to contact her also. When I text her, she never reply. When I call her, she talk back to me in cold voice. That make me feel very hurt.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

She is trying to heal from your relationship and it would be best if you do too. You should be getting that from the one your with, not the one that you cannot have.

anthony · Joined: 12 Aug 2008 Posts: 6

Yes..I do know what is the best. How do I console myself. If she said, she has no time to meet me, I was looking for her at everywhere hoping that I could see her accidentally. Whenever I get back to the place where we were together, I went crazy again. How do I get out from that situation? I also want to get out from that situation. I don't want to miss her. I want to forget her. Even when I see her again, I want to treat her like a normal friend.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

You have to set your mind on your future and resolve the past. You are still holding onto the past it seems and that is preventing you from moving forward. You tell me how you can do that?

anthony · Joined: 12 Aug 2008 Posts: 6

I did tell her that I want our relationship to be like normal friend. May be just a little bit more than friend which mean whenever she need help, except her boyfriend she should remember me first..something like that situation. But she insists that her boyfriend knows me and it is not appropriate to make friend with a guy who is in love with her. She seems to break up the relation totally. Thats I can't accept. My marriage will be on next year. I think I will probably settle after I marriage. Again I feel not so good as like I used my current girlfriend to settle my problem.

anthony · Joined: 12 Aug 2008 Posts: 6

hi jennifer,
How could you advise me? Should I take medication? Was it normal?

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

There is no medication for this. If you want, you could try therapy. You need to just work on closing the past and thinking about the future. I would be more concerned with the fact that you are getting married and starting a future with someone that you love than someone that you cannot be with. Sounds like this is not about the other person, but more about your personality and that you have to have it all. That might be a starting place to work on yourself.