Imminent separation

[dac]

My husband of four years said that he doesn't want to be with me anymore. He said he's "not into it anymore". He said he feels "smothered" and "trapped". I asked him if he wanted a divorce and he said he doesn't want a divorce. He wants to stay married but be able to do whatever he wants to do. Well, I said no, and I asked him to leave. He's been refusing to leave, but he might leave tonight. I'm having a really difficult time understanding all this and I have anxiety and depression almost all day. We have three small children, and I can't seem to be able to get it together. I want to get over this but I can't seem to be able to get over that hump. I feel so angry with him and he refuses marriage counseling. Don't know what to do. I feel lost and confused and alone.
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[Jennifer]

Hello:
It sounds like you have every right to be upset, angry or any other emotion you see fit. Do you have a support system? he is going through something maybe just a mid life crisis, maybe more but that cannot be your primary concern. what should be your concern is yourself, which means you need to do what's right for you. do you have a place ts a o go with the kids if he is unable to respect your wishes and leave? can you support yourself financially without him?

[dac]

Thanks for the reply. I truly have no support system. I live 3 hours from any family. He works and I stay home with the kids. I have no where else to go, which is why I asked him to leave. He wants this, then he should be the one to leave. I don't understand why he even stays. He sends me mixed signals all time. He tells me he loves me still but wants freedom. He's not quite at mid-life yet, he's 34, I'm 32. As for money, he has offered to pay for our housing and expenses, because he doesn't want to see the kids in daycare. He's just so calm about everything and I can't stand it. Here I am barely able to function and he seems to manage daily life just fine. I just need help trying to figure out a way to get a grip.
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[Jennifer]

Hey
I can only imagine how bizzare the whole situation is for you because it does not makes sense at all. Has he already gone outside the marriage? Has he cheated yet? Can you wait him out to see what is motivating this? Does he have friends/co-workers that he confides in that you can figure out what is going on in his head?

[dac]

He's a very private person and doesn't confide in anyone (he use to confide in me). I don't think he is cheating or has cheated, but I really can't say for sure. As for his motivation, he says he just not the marrying type (gee, thanks for telling me after 3 kids!). He wants to do whatever he wants to do. He wants to stay married, but be able to come and go as he pleases. After you mentioned mid-life crisis, I looked it up , and he is showing some of the signs. I don't know what to do. He's still dragging his feet about leaving. It's always some excuse why he's leaving the next day. The worse part is that he keeps telling me that he loves me. Huh?
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[Jennifer]

I agree with you that saying he is not the marrying type after 4 years is a bit much to deal with. So, what do you do, wait it out or kick him out?? either way it seems like he does want to leave and is just going through something.

[sreginabriggs]

do you think your husband is willing attend counseling
if he does want to leave maybe he needs help figuring out how to stay

[Jennifer]

so sorry, ment to say that it seems like he does NOT want to leave.