I need someone to talk to!

[imaginati]

I'll try to make an incredibly long story as short as possible. After coming out of an extremely abusive relationship, I finally met someone wonderful. J was everything I always wanted, sweet, kind, strong... He treats me like gold! I knew from day one that he had been married before, for 10 years, and had two children. He was very open about the fact that he has severe social anxiety, which came to a head when his ex wife kicked him out and he was forced to live out of his car. I also learned very quickly how manipulative his exwife is. Before I came into the picture, he had nothing to spend his money on, but his children and he didn't mind when she would call and say that the boys needed this or that, and have him spend hundreds of dollars on game systems that the boys aren't even allowed to play. She used him so much.
When I became part of the family, I immediately fell in love with those two boys. And despite her trying to keep it from happening, they loved me too. We live 5 hours from the boys, and being on a limited income, we were only able to see the boys once a month. The oldest is 12 and has Aspergers Autism. The first six months of marriage for J and I, we traveled hours at a time back and forth to go to doctors appointments. His ex wife, C, acted like she wanted us involved, but when we were there, we were pushed aside and regarded as distant relatives rather than the boys father and step mother.
In April of this year, C informed us that she and her husband were leaving the good home and job that they had and moving with the boys to Florida. She didn't want the boys to know until the day they were going to move, so she asked us to stay with the boys at their home while she and her husband looked for a house in FL. We stayed at their home for three weeks, getting the boys on the bus, helping with their homework, having family meals. I really enjoyed spending all that time with the boys. Then, much to C's dismay, the boys stayed with us for two weeks at our home, getting to know my parents and family. We then drove 23 hours to take the boys to FL to their mother. We stayed for a week because the boys wanted us to go to the beach with them and spend time there. The night before we were to come home, C broke down crying, saying that they couldn't afford to live there anymore and she didn't know how they were going to survive. She said that moving was a mistake, and they needed help. So, because we love the boys, we offered to let them come home with us and stay at our home while they got back on their feet.
For two months, they lived with us, not paying rent, not helping with utilities, not looking for work. If we were in the living room watching a movie, C made the boys go into her bedroom and watch a movie with them. We began staying in our bedroom so that she would at least let the boys be in a room bigger than 8x10 and have their toys. We left the door to our room open so that the boys could come in there and talk, but as soon as they did, C would call them away. Then we were told that we were not spending enough time with the boys. We were only allowed to do so when it was convenient for her.
J is on disability due to his anxiety. I haven't worked since a miscarriage earlier this year. We don't have a lot of extra spending money, but we tried our best to do things with the boys, tried to make them feel at home. J also suffered from a back injury from a fall, and had pain medication in our bedroom. Two months in a row, pills came up missing. Not just a few, but 30-40 at a time, within the course of one day while we weren't home! J, knowing how C was about things, thought that it would be better to keep the peace, so that she would not cut all contact with the boys, which she did for over a year when they first separated. But after the third prescription to suddenly be gone within two weeks, the subject came up that pills were missing. C immediately began to shout, saying that we were accusing her children of stealing pills, that I physically assaulted her (i never touched her) and after packing up a van full of their things and leaving for her sister's, said that we kicked them out.
Since that day, she will not allow me or my parents any contact with the boys, and J is only allowed to speak to them when she feels like it. She still guilt trips him into money every month, beyond his child support, and if he says no, she doesn't let him speak to the boys.
He misses his children so badly, he's willing to let her walk all over him just to keep contact. While I understand this, and while I would never ask him to choose between me and his children, I feel like I'm in the background. Our needs get put last, and she is able to take money from our pockets, money which doesn't go to what it's supposed to.
I'm at my wits end, and while J is supportive of me, I can't talk about my feelings with him because this whole situation causes his anxiety to go through the roof, especially if he sees me crying about it. He's going to counseling, but I don't have the insurance to cover it. I needed to get all this off my chest, and maybe get some advice, too. J and I are going to be celebrating our 1st wedding anniversary this December. This is more than I thought would happen in one year, and while it's overwhelming and causing some strong depression, I love him with all my heart and can't imagine my life without him. I just need some help! If anyone took the time to read this from beginning to end, thank you... any advice will be welcome!
Sarah

[Jennifer]

hey
so sorry to hear about all of that. sounds as if you are in a bind and cannot do much in this situation. not sure how she can keep the boy from him, not allowed especially if he is paying child support. sounds as if the courts need to be involved but yes that will cost money and time.