I don't know what to do

gettingbetter03 · Joined: 12 Feb 2009 Posts: 2

I have been married to my current husband for 5 years. I have two children from a previous marrage, only one who lives with me. My kids have always been an issue with my current husband who has no children of his own. I have been told several times thoughout the course of our marriage that my husband always comes last. I am of the opinion that your children should always come first. Am I wrong about this?? We have very different opinions on how children should be raised and it causes a lot of conflict. He is always telling me I am a failure as a mother. But yet I take a look at the kids in the world today and think I have done a pretty good job. My 13 year old is a straight A student, has never been in trouble in school, and generally does what she is told to do however like all kids she likes to argue about it first. My older daughter is 19 and is struggling to decide what she wants to do with her life. She is presently living with her father and working a part time job. I have resently lost my job and am doing what I can to find another one quicky. This to is a conflict with my husband because he does not feel I am trying hard enough. And if all that isn't enough I found out in December that he was visiting a "Friendfinding" Website. He has given his cell phone number to several of these women he has met there and is calling and texting them. I discovered this in December at which time I confronted him on it and he said the would stop. A couple of weeks ago I found out that he has not stopped. I have asked him to put a stop to it, stop hiding his phone, and have the bill itemized all of which he told me he would do but hasn't done. I just feel so depressed and I don't know what to do. Should I pack up and leave, try to make it work even though I now have no trust in him. I am having a hard time coping with it all. I can't seem to let it go, so of course we are fighting all the time. I have even gone so far as to move into the spare bedroom. Any sugesstions?

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

seems as if you need to deal with the ladder issue and that the kids thing is just a buffer for what is really going on with you too.

you too need to talk and figure out what is going on and what you want from your relationship and each other.

yes, kids are very important, but so is the relationship between husband and wife and that needs just as much time as the parent/child relationship.

a lot of couples stop being couples once kids come into their lives and work on only being parents and wake up one day to find out that they are not a couple anymore.

gettingbetter03 · Joined: 12 Feb 2009 Posts: 2

I may have overstated the kids coming first. I try to give my husband plenty of attention and being that my child is 13 and is pretty much self sufficient we do have plenty of time together. I think that the things he gets upset about are trivial. An example is the other day it was 7 degrees outside so I picked her up from school instead of making her walk, this he was upset about.

He has stated to me that he wants to make this marrage work however he has done nothing to show me this. I am very hurt about him texting/calling these other women. I don't believe he has ever met any of them face to face however they do not live that far away. I have asked him to stop and he has not. I also am upset about the fact that he is blaming everything that is wrong with this marrage on me. I honestly do not feel I am the horrible monster he has made me out to be.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

like i previoiusly states, sounds as if he is nick picking to sheild his guilt for the things that he is doing. it is more up to you if you want to stay in this marriage and if you do then you need to decide what kind of relationship you want and if he cann't provide that for the both of you then that is his loss, he is not going to show effort then you are both going to be at a loss