I'm 18 He's 33

[synfold]

well, im 18 and life isnt going the way i planned. I met this guy who is 33 at a cafe about a year ago. I go there almost 4 times a week, and we have talked many times. In my mind he was nice and just really good company. Well about a few weeks ago he came to the cafe pretty drunk. We talk about ordinary stuff like we always do.. and then he asked me. " Do you want to go somewhere and drink." i was kinda taken back by this. but i figured i could trust him. We ended up going to his house and we were alone. I was starting to get kinda scared but i figured we were just friends. Then he tried to make a move on me. I stopped him right away. Most people that really knew me, knows i am a virgin. When i told him i was he was very confused. After that we basically just talked the whole night about our lives. I thought that well now he would see that we were just friends.
I told only 3 people about that night. i figured when i said i was uncomfortable about the whole thing it would be kept quiet.
Then last weekend came, he got word from one of them that we hung out but made a big deal about it. She didnt tell him about how i felt about it but he said he felt it went totally wrong. I assured him that everything was fine and that if i didnt wanted to go w/ him i would have said so. He asked me again if i wanted to drink and i gave in. I felt that if i didnt go he would think that something was wrong and probably not be my friend. I knew i shouldnt have went, I knew something was gonna happen this time. All of this went through my head and i dont know why i still went.

I went drinking the day before so my tolerance at this point was very low. Only after a few beers i started to stumble. We talked more about our lives and his more trumatic moments. and before i knew it we ended up kissing with him on top of me. Im not gonna lie, i enjoyed it for the first 2 min but i was more scared than anything, i just layed there and thought about everything that happened, might happen or wont happen.. He tried to lift up my shirt but i wouldnt let him. He said he wasnt gonna have sex with me, and we didnt do it,but i think if things progressed it would have. I didnt know what to do. He told me what i thougt about dating him at his age. and i didnt know what to say. i wanted to say i dont think im ready for it. but all that came out was I don't know. he said that i probably like it., and now im so confused. what if i did, but i felt so scared. I havent been with a guy in over 2 years. maybe its ohhaky to be this scared. what would people think of me?. what if one night i give it up? Is he the right person? so many question came to my head. and i just wish this never had happened.
When it was over i was so glad. i wanted to just go home and lay in my bed and feel safe.The next day we just talked about nothing and we didnt kiss again. Now i feel like im trying to avoid him and i dont want to do that. im so confused on what i want. i think i just want to be friends. so i dont have to feel this overwhelmed.
Is this all wrong. Should i just lay low for awhile and figure things out or should i just end this.

[Jennifer]

Well,
Do you like him? When you are with guys your own age, do they make you feel nervous? Is there something about him that makes you feel nervous? I do not think that you should do anything that makes you uncomfortable and if he likes you, he should understand that and respect your wishes.

[synfold]

I don't know if i like him. i think its like the idea of being w/ him.I am shy so im always kind of nervous, but i'm ohhkay w/ guys my age. When i was with him i was scared, i just felt so little. It didnt help any that i felt kind of desperate but wanted it at the same time.. but i feel like we're too different at times. i think i just using him, but he get more out of it.

[Jennifer]

sounds like you do not like him and need to stick with guys your own age. they might be silly at times, but you can relate to them on your own level. you don't need to push yourself into a situation just because you want to grow up. Being with someone should feel great, wonderful, natural and just plain right. If it doesn't, then don't do it.

[synfold]

thank you, I think I finally understand. This helped me out alot.

Thank You, very much.

[Jennifer]

No problemo, glad you sought out help instead of just doing something. We are always here, take care