Have I grown cold and heartless?

[D30]

I have posted before in other threads. I have several issues and am just trying to post in the proper thread. As I have stated in my earlier posts, I have gone through a lot of adversity. I was kicked out of my brother's and I am now staying with my Uncle. My uncle seems to think that I don't express enough grattitude for all his help. Perhaps that it so. My grandmother recently went into the hospital for a mild heart attack. He woke me up early one morning to tell me the news before he went to work. All my life everytime a crisis comes up it seems everyone turns to me to handle things for them. He wanted me to call the hospital to check on her. He wanted me to go down and visit with her. Am I cold and heartless because I didn't want to go see her in he hospital? I told him I would go and visit her in the nursing home. I have been to the hospital soo many times. I took my mother to the hospital when she wanted to end her life. I saw my dad in the hospital when he was going though chemotherapy. I took my sister to the hospital when she was delusional after coming back from a planetrip. I visited with my sister in the hospital when she was hit by a semi truck and had a punctured lung and broken ribs and tubes in her. Am I so cold and heartless because I didn't want to be the only one there if she passed away. We all watched my dad die of cancer at home. I called the ambulance to have his body removed. My uncle is her legal guardian. In fact we had a big court battle between my mom and him over who should take care of my grandmother. She had dementia. She doesn't know who I am most of the time but she is still a sweet old lady with a lot of spunk and even though I never got to know her when I was young, I still care about her. I feel like my uncle it trying to make me feel guilty. Should I feel guilty?

[Jennifer]

I think that when people see you as one way and then all of a sudden you try to change for your self they do not understand. You have been the one that has taken care of things in the past and you are burnt out and cannot handle it anymore which is fine, but they need to know that and need to realize that you are just one person and need to heal from everything that has happened in order to be able to move forward.

hence even if you explain that, they might not get it but no you are not hearless, just overwhelmed with everything.

[coffee_chick]

I have to agree with Jennifer. I am in a similar situation. My brother died a little over a year ago. From the beginning, I had to be the strong one. I'm the oldest of 4 and had been very close to my mom. In the beginning, we only got closer. Recently, I reached the end of my rope. I could no longer offer sympathy when she complains about her job, which she is about to lose because she has not dealt well and her performance has suffered. She also asked me to talk to my remaining brothers about their alcohol/substance abuse problems. Isn't this her job as their mother? So I focused on myself and had little advice to offer. Now she's said I'm distant, cold, and heartless. She also can't believe that I've made peace with my brother's death. Like I healed too fast.

Sorry to run on. Just want to offer support and say that you are not wrong for wanting a break from bearing the brunt of everyone's grief. If you are dependent on your uncle, I would play it a little bit safe and express gratitude. But do not let yourself be abused or taken advantage of. Leaving if you need to can be hard, but you need to protect yourself. I know. I'm in the middle of trying to move out of a bad situation myself.

Good luck and my condolences on your many hardships.