HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!CAN I TRUST MY LOVE???

[littleguy1]

I have been in a relationship for over 8 years. I was living with a guy from the age of 24-29. I moved out becasue he drank alot, he hated my family becasue he thought I prefered them since I spent alot of time with them, We are very close and I love being with my sisters. I moved out becasue of several things that occured. He was verbally violent with me tellling me to "go with my f*** gamily", he got really drunk once when my brother was visiting and my brother disrepected him and my bf broke all furniture he broke our glass table, tried to break my lap top but I hid it. and treatened to hit me so I would never look for him. I calmed him down and promised to break up with him the next day but went back to his promices and that he was sorry. I did move out and 1 year later he got convicted of a felony for carring a bag of cocaine and he was using. He said he only did it a couple of times and he would never do it again. After cring like never before, I found myself with him again. I had him take a drug test three weeks after and he came out positive and he said he did it since we were not together. for 2 weeks. I went back with him since he promised he was not going to do it . We then split up for 3 months I was fine until I saw him and went bcak to him...I has been 2 years 1/2 and we are together again. H has stopped drinking and he shows no signs of being on drugs, although I never really knew until the felony. I have not been able to marry him or move back in with him since it took me so long to move out and i was so devasted when i did. We have not really had any problems lately for the past year and it seems like we have both grow,n together. He has been renting and apartment for 1 year and a half and he has kept his job as a superviser for over 3 years as a journey man in construction where he is always surrounded by drugs. A little of his back ground: Hois mom left him when he was 3 in Guatemala with his father and sent money evry time she could, visited him couple of times and brought him and his 2 brothers when he was 16 years of age. A lettle history of me. I was abandoned by my mother when i was 16 since I was in my rebeliouse years, never did drugs but did go out and did not listen to her. It was during a time that she remarried. I was living with my sister for 6 months until she was forced to tell me to leave becasue her husband kicked me out and I was living in the streets for a couple of days and a lady that I worked with in a daycare asked me to live there since I was in school and in a nursing program and working at the same time. This was perfect since I had just been kicked out from my sisters. I graduated from high school I am a college graduate, have a great scure job. I jsut don't know if he is the one. I love him dearly since he is so lving with me but he is now wnats to do somethign commited with me. He want's to bu a house and rent it out to his mom, who I don't agree becasue she hurt him so much and asked for him not to buy. He asked me to buy a house with him then. i am not sure what I am doing now? I said by the end of the year but I am now so confused. i have tried to leave him so many times but I always go back. i want a family, kids in a couple of years. HELP!!!!!!!!

[Jennifer]

When you two were apart,did you date anyone else? Have you had an successful relationships? What is it that you are looking for in a relationship that he is lacking?

Doesn't sound as if you left him because you didn't love him, more for your own safety and it might be that you cannot truely trust him and that is a hard way to be in a relationship where you cannot trust someone.

[littleguy1]

Yes, I did date a guy that I met at the university. I was always comparing him to my ex. i left him becasue he did not want kids and did not believe in god and to tell you the truth he was a true canyoneering guy who spend a whole day/days doing that sort of stuff and I was not interested at all. No, I did not leave my first boyfriend becasue i did not loose the love, I was scared he would continue with drugs...what life would I give my kids? How can i trust I won't see the sadness in my eyes when i look in the mirror if I move back in. His mom now wants his children who she left to be taken of and does not worry about retirement. She state, " I have my kids to take care of me" . I get so angry...Is that wrong of me.

[Jennifer]

you have years of misstrust and anger to deal with. can you talk to him and tell him how you feel? is he worth it to you to give it a try?