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slightlybroken
Joined: 19 Dec 2009
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 Posted: Sat Dec 19, 2009 4:33 pm Post subject: Fear of What? |
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When I was 12 (I'm currently eighteen), my cousin came to visit a few times. He moved to Minnesota and often returned to Chicago to visit everyone. He would always take his best friend with him and the best friend seemed a little too interested in me. He was in his early twenties. I was 12. He always made sure to sit next to me extremely close and he looked at me in a weird way. I don't remember everything in detail but I do remember one day when my mom told me he was going to be visiting again with his best friend. I immediately made up that I had to do a school project at my friend's house. I made sure not to be home when he visited. One time when I didn't have enough time to make up an excuse to leave, I begged my mom not to let him near me. He got very near me and I ran out of a restaurant completely nauseous and cried. Only because he put his arm around me. Ever since, I've felt sick when about to do anything with a guy. What's wrong with me? I really like a guy then am terrified. I very much would like to be in a relationship, but the last relationship I was in, when he tried to kiss me, I felt like I was going to throw up. I keep on wondering if more than I remember happened in junior high.
Background information: In high school, I told my best guy friend this information and he used it against me. He always said he knew "how to cure me". He meant by having sex with me and the like. I finally told him off and haven't talked to him in years. There have been a few other creeps in high school that stalked me and made their fantasies about me known. I feel like I'm not good enough for a good guy. I'm afraid that I'll be scared forever. It's so hard because I'll like a guy a lot, but once he likes me back and tries something, I feel like death. Please, please give any advice you have. Thank you so much. |
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Jennifer
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Joined: 27 May 2007
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| Posted: Sat Dec 19, 2009 5:01 pm Post subject: |
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| not sure i understand, were you abused? what was it about this experience that makes you unable to have a relationship? have you ever talked about it with anyone before? sounds as if the guys that you are describing are jerks and that you need to find a good one that will go slow with you and help you overcome your fears but first you need to figure out what your fears actually are. |
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slightlybroken
Joined: 19 Dec 2009
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Sat Dec 19, 2009 5:06 pm Post subject: |
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| Jennifer wrote: | | not sure i understand, were you abused? what was it about this experience that makes you unable to have a relationship? have you ever talked about it with anyone before? sounds as if the guys that you are describing are jerks and that you need to find a good one that will go slow with you and help you overcome your fears but first you need to figure out what your fears actually are. |
I don't remember being abused. I only remember an increasing amount of fear every time he came to the point that I felt nauseous and cried. And ever since then I've been terrified. I'm afraid because even if I want to get close to a guy as more than friends, once I get close, I'm so afraid that he won't stop if I say "no". My ex boyfriend also didn't listen to the word "no" and I often had to push him off of me. Is there such a thing as a guy that's okay with going slow? I mean, a lot of my friends are guys, and they're all wonderful, but I keep on thinking if I become any more than friends, they'll attack me. |
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Jennifer
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Joined: 27 May 2007
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| Posted: Sat Dec 19, 2009 5:20 pm Post subject: |
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| of course there are guys that know the word no, might have to wait until you leave high school, guy in high school are not that mature but there are always nice guys out there. no need to push yourself in that category, was that guy the only time you felt fear? do you feel fearful of anything else? |
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slightlybroken
Joined: 19 Dec 2009
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Sat Dec 19, 2009 9:30 pm Post subject: |
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| Jennifer wrote: | | of course there are guys that know the word no, might have to wait until you leave high school, guy in high school are not that mature but there are always nice guys out there. no need to push yourself in that category, was that guy the only time you felt fear? do you feel fearful of anything else? |
Well there was the guy in junior high, my ex, my friend that I told, and a few other guys in high school. I'm currently in college. I'm really just afraid of not having the power to stop them if they go too far. |
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Jennifer
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Joined: 27 May 2007
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| Posted: Sun Dec 20, 2009 1:10 pm Post subject: |
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| then wait until you do. if you are in a relationship that should not be the first thing that you do, need to build trust first. the right guy will go slow with you. does your school offer counseling? if so would be a good idea for you. |
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slightlybroken
Joined: 19 Dec 2009
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Sun Dec 20, 2009 10:26 pm Post subject: |
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| Jennifer wrote: | | then wait until you do. if you are in a relationship that should not be the first thing that you do, need to build trust first. the right guy will go slow with you. does your school offer counseling? if so would be a good idea for you. |
I think they do offer counseling. I'll try that. Thanks for the advice. :] |
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Jennifer
Site Admin
Joined: 27 May 2007
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| Posted: Mon Dec 21, 2009 8:49 am Post subject: |
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| np |
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