Dunno where else to put this

[rebelrex]

So I guess here is fine.

I had been in therapy for about a year. Recently I ended it. However something really bothers me still.

Somewhere along the road I had developed transference feelings towards the T. Not sexual or even romantic. I did not tell the T until only 2 weeks ago that I had somehow developed these emotions over the last few months(it took a while because I am simply a hard person to let others grow on me)..

This is actually what kept me going back. I had talked thru most of my issues but this feeling would literally keep me going back, as if I was imprisoned to the person.

I told the T 2 weeks ago. I did not get the answer I had expected. The T said to me to just let it happen. Not one of the usual responses to transference development and usually unmet needs outside of therapy. So I realized that possibly that the T had no experience whatsoever in this kind of Transference. I asked the T this and they admitted it was the first time.

Needless to say only one session later, I realized the T did not know what or how to deal with me. This was just obvious.

So instead of torturing myself and going back. I decided to stop because they did not know how to handle this.

I am unsure if I did the right thing by leaving. I did not say exactly why I stopped, only that I am better(and in many ways I am). It was almost as if the T was relieved that I had stopped so as to not face that issue. I was just told over and over to "let it happen" without any understanding(accept personal research) as to why it happened to begin with.

So now I am stuck in this rut. It is only 2 weeks but I have resisted the urge to go back on many occasions(reschedule) already. I will not go thru therapy again as I got all that childhood trauma stuff out of me. I actually do not even think my feelings towards the T actually have anything to do with the T. I believe it has to do with unmet "love" from my childhood, which is a fact. I have never felt loved. However this feeling is persistent and I do not want to go back to another therapist just to work on this one thing. I am sorta "therapy" burned out.

Does this feeling subside? Like I said the T did not give me an answer that I expected and also I suspected that the T did not know how to deal with this. And honestly, I think the T had a bit of counter transference that they had a hard time hiding.

[Jennifer]

it sounds as if therapy really worked for you and you sound healthier than your therapist does. you might need therapy in the future but it sounds as if you dealt with an issue that came up very well, talked about it and made good decisions. i do not believe that therapy should be long term and it would be natural for you to develop something for someone who has helped you through such issues as you have had in the past. you developed a close relationship with this person, you got healthier so the problems weren't there anymore just the closeness that you shared with this person. it is okay for it to happen, but it is better if you stop going.

[rebelrex]

Thank you for the speedy reply.

Does this feeling subside at all? It is the oddest thing to feel so strongly(even in a non romantic way) towards this person. I admit that I have been tempted to go back, but I realize the nature of my feelings and so I have resisted going back. I am just hoping these feelings subside with time?

It really does seem weird to have these feelings and it definitely feels uncomfortable going thru the day and having these, I admit this. I know for sure it is not in a Romantic nature as most tend to develop because when I think of them that way or picture that, It is kinda like thinking about the same thing with my own parent, which is gross.

I don't want these feelings to "trip' me up all the time. Sometimes they are strong, other times they subside into nothingness. I guess that is why I am often tempted to go back.

Thanks for your input. I will not go back then. Honestly though about "more therapy in the future", I do not want to go thru therapy again with another person. I think once is enough. As I said, I am therapied(if that is even a word) out. What else is left to say about me when I have said everything?

How long does a transference feeling remain strong before it subsides into the background? Just curious.

[Jennifer]

just think of it as breaking up with someone. there is no one answer to how long it takes but you 2 shared a lot of emotionally time together so it will take time, just knowing what it is and that you can handle it is enough. each day it will get better until it goes away

[rebelrex]

Thank you for your time.

If I look at it like that(even though it is not romantic) I guess that makes it a bit easier and relieving to manage.

[Jennifer]

no problem, there is a process of ending therapy that you did not experience just keep writing when you feel you need to.

[rebelrex]

[Jennifer]

no problem, this is a good place to vent/express your feelings.