Cheating..porn connection (really long ...sorry)

[Kerri305]

How much porn is too much?? My husband looks at porn everyday on the internet 30 mins to an hour a day I would say. If it's not a porn site it's something like craigs list personals to see if chicks have posted naked pictures of themselves. He doesn't hide it and sometimes I look at it with him but recent events have me wondering if this is a symptom of a bigger problem. My husband of 10 years just recently admitted he got a blow job from a woman he works with. I found some emails on his work computer and after first lying about it he admitted that they exchanged phone calls and emails at work and one day at lunch she gave him a blow job, then they decided that they should make all their communication strictly work related. He said he lied initially because he was afraid I would leave him. Any way this thing went on for over a year while we were having I guess what you would call trouble. Basically he said I was not giving him sex so he did not feel attractive and this woman's attention was exciting to him and an ego boost. Shortly before I found out about this our sex life had improved mostly because I lost some weight and felt better about myself. I have decided to stay and try to make it work..eventhough I'm not really sure I buy the one time blow job story I am willing to admit some blame...taking him for granted, not giving him compliments, not wanting sex and not communicating why to him. Although I don't accept that as an excuse for what he did...there is no excuse for that. Our sex life is great and we are communicating better...I need therapy to help me communicate better. But my question is... don't all marriages go through dry periods. I really don't know if we can keep up the pace were going now..its like newlyweds and doesn't it always slow down??? Why should I believe that he won't do it again. He says I need to communicate better...we need to fight more cuz we never do. If I'm mad I shut down. In a way I'm pissed that he can't just accept that. I'm willing to go to therapy and so is he but I feel like he's asking me to be someone I just don't know how to be.

[Jennifer]

I think therapy will help you figure all of this out.

[Kerri305]

Duh...you have nothing more to offer ? Not very helpful! Waiting for insurance to be approved for therapy. Just out of luck till then I guess.

[Jennifer]

you need to sort through all of this and decide where you need to go. therapy will help you do that. there is nothing else to really decide. i think its great that you both are willing to work on this and hopefully you will be able to decide as a couple how to proceed. if you are waiting on insurance then you and your husband will have to communicate with each other and start talking about your problems.

sometimes it is helpful to do that in a public place so the tempers can stay in check. therapy helps you by allowing each side to be heard without anger or blame.

when will you be able to get the therapy?

Your husband states that you don't know how to communicate but it seems he does not as well. When someone goes outside of the relationship/marriage such as your husband did instead of working on the relationship that is a clear sign there are communication problems in the relationship on both sides since it takes two to effectively communicate.