Cheated on and trying to forgive

[Jennifer]

okay, then why don't you two talk?

[Jonster777]

We're going to sit down tomorrow and try to get things all figured out. Today I have been more angry than anything. I want to find the guy she slept with and beat his face in. I'm filled with a lot of rage and just need to break something, preferably this guy's bones. I've never met him, don't know what he looks like, but I just want him to hurt. It won't be enough, though, because he won't hurt as much as I have. Humans can be so disgusting.

[Jennifer]

he is not at fault here, he did not cheat on you, she did but its easier to place blame on someone you don't know. need to do something with that anger before tomm or else your conversation won't get very far.

[Jonster777]

He knew she was in a committed relationship and was trying to break us up. I know that she cheated on me, but if he was a better person, he wouldn't have done what he did.

[Jennifer]

still not the right person to be mad at, he didn't cheat.

[Jonster777]

He knew what he did. He knew what he was doing. I know that I should be mad at her, also, but he's the one that put the thought in her mind and the alcohol in her hand.

[Jennifer]

we are going to have to agree to disagree, you are taking the easy route because you don't want to believe that it was her fault, her responsiblity, he didn't force her to do anything, she took the drink and she cheated, not much wiggle room there. she didn't have to be with him, she could have done numerous other things all he did was be there.

[Jonster777]

I guess I'm just trying to deny it because I wish it never happened. She acted on her own free will and that hurts so much.

So back to square one ... how do I forgive her? We're going to sit down and talk tomorrow.

[Jennifer]

going to take time and for her to earn back your trust. nothing will be resolved for you tomm, just a start

[Jonster777]

We talked face to face today and I really believe that she's sorry. I told her that the ball is in her court and she has to prove to me that she wants this to work and I truly believed her when she said she doesn't want to lose me. And not just because it's normal and safe for her, but because she wants to be with me.

I'm feeling a lot better, but some issues also arrived with how the night went when she cheated on me. She can't really remember a lot of what happened, but she does remember resisting him and pushing him away and him forcing himself on her, but her not having the strength or the will to say no. I'm not trying to say that he raped her, I'm just trying to say that he put the alcohol in her hand, knowing she'd get drunk and wouldn't be able to do much so that he could make his move.

[Jennifer]

yes he might have made his move but she was out with him and she drank willing. it is easier for both of you to blame him and if that is what you want to do then that is okay, so you take baby steps now and try to work things out.