Broken promises

[Unsure]

Where do I begin...My husband and I have been married almost 8 years. Through out our marriage we have had our endless problems. At the beginning it was drinking. He missed seeing baby ultrasounds because he was too hung over. Then there were online dating services he continued to visit despite our marriage. I have found pics and email between him and other females. When I confronted him, he said he loved me and only me that it was nothing. We kept moving forward. He attended AA meetings and no longer gets drunk. I thought we were getting past everything. Then while I was at work, he starts contacting his ex's online. These are females he had no contact with for over five years. Sure, okay I understand he might have been curious. I would understand if it did not affect his behavior toward my kids and me. He was distant and rude. Again we talk it through and he says it means nothing. Well, besides all these problems he was a habit of not keeping his word. He says one thing but does another. Right now I am in a vulnerable position. I stay at home with the kids and support him in his career goals. I didn't mind putting my career aside since we were working toward a common goal. After supporting him for six years in accomplishing his goals, he is finally where he wants to be. Then he tells me, it is no longer what he wants to do. He says he wants to be a pastor but not sure how he it would fit into our plans. At first I was surprised but he convinces me it is really what he wants to do. I do some research and figure out a plan on how we can make it work. The other day, I grab his laptop. I start typing www. and what pops up, porn, very disturbing porn. Worst part my kids were there with me. Thankfully, I acted fast. I feel so disappointed. Here is a man who tells me he wants to be a better person but acts other wise. How can I trust that his intentions are true? I have gone as far as changing my career goals to help him with his goals. After putting my life on hold for so long, I just want to move on and do my thing. Am I being too critical of him?

[Jennifer]

Hey
Sounds as if you are in your burn out stage and at your breaking point. You put a lot of faith into your relationship and your husband and at every step have been disappointed and sounds as if the laptop was your breaking point.

you say you want to do your thing, do you really mean that or do you want him to"man-up" and take responsiblity of his actions/family.

whenever one person puts there life on hold for another there will evenutally be regret and hurt feelings. do you know what you would like to do now?

[Unsure]

I wish he would take responsibility. His excuse is always sorry it was mistake. When I try to get him to elaborate, he shuts down. This of course upsets me even more. After a while, he replies by saying he does not understand why I get so upset. No matter how many times or ways I try to explain he just does not get it.

I want to finally finish my Bachelors and pursue my masters. I have taken a lot longer than I would have liked because I was helping him with his things. I know it is not going to be easy restarting my life. I am hoping my parents and siblings will support me in this transition.

He has offered to support me more. He wants me to concentrate on my career while he takes care of the kids. I don't think it would work. He manages to screw things up now that he hardly has any free time. How can I trust that he will not make just another mistake when his free time more than doubles? He wants to go to counseling. I am just not sure this relationship can be saved.

[Jennifer]

I'm sure that you have heard it all from him and cannot know if you can trust him, or you do know that you cannot trust him. if you are unsure about going to therapy, tell him he can still go and if you see positive results then you can decide at that time to go with him or not.

yes it will be hard to restart your life, but it sounds as if you are motivated and ready to make a change so go for it.