After 5 years and a newborn he wants to leave

[jillp]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years and have had our shares of good and bad times. We recently had our first child together 4 months ago and are currently in the process of buying a house and are currently living in an 1 bedroom apartment the size of a shoebox. We both work fulltime and he is in school full time as well so we never have any time for eachother. He is a very patient, loving and sensitive man and I am not any of those things in times of high stress. I take everything our on him, critisize everything and he has told me that it upsets him and I didn't listen. In the past I have acted this way and it took him almost leaving for me to realize that I treat him so badly that I have to change. The pattern is repeating and I forgot my promise to never take advantage of having him around. He came from school to wake me up to tell me that he doesnt think he loves me anymore and that he wants to leave. I figured he just needed reassurance that I love him and will start treating him better in the middle of telling him this he blurts out that he made out with another girl the day before. He has never cheated on me before and I was reasonably upset, I didn't yell or cry though but suddenly realized that this is different from all the other times. The fact that he made out with some random girl hurts but what really upset me is that our son was asleep in the room while it was happening. After a little while we talked and he said that he does still love me and that he just wants things to be the way they used to be. We had to go to sleep after only an hour, but with me thinking we would be able to work things out. In the morning I went to hug him and tell him I love him and he forced the words out of himself. I told him it sounded insincer and he said nothing has changed from the night before. He used to love me passionatly and now he only loves me as the mother of his child. We both had to go to work and he never came home that night. I figured let him have some space and we could talk the later. Unfortunatly I paniced the next day when he still would't answer my calls and left my job to go to his job to talk to him. I know now after how crazy that is and I probably made is worse, but the thought of losing him scares me. He told me there that after seeing me he doesn't feel the same for me and that it's been coming on for months. I thought we were relativly happy for all the stressing factors we are dealing with. I have fallen in and out of love with him many times and right now I don't have strong passionate feelings for him, the baby takes all my attention and patience and there is nothing left for him, but I never stopped loving him. I know couples that stay together a long time can't stay in love all the time right? I am sure there are times many couples don't like eachother even but weather through to fall in love again. He is coming over tonight after work to get his stuff and to talk to me although he said he doesn't know what the point would be. I know how much he loved me before and find it difficult to think he just doen't any more. I think he needs me to be gentle, apologetic and sincere, I am going to offer to take anger management and together get family counseling but I am afraid that he really just doen't love me anymore.

[Jennifer]

you two are experiencing something that a lot of couples go through when they have a newborn. even celbrity couples go through this. the newborn years are the most difficlut and you are both sleep deprived and dealing with an enormous amount of stress.

you cannot undo what has already been done and don't think it is your behavour that is causing this (can be wrong). seems as if you two need to keep on talking about things, your life together and work towards making things work for you.