motherl

[kaitnicole]

my mother messed up my life. i am the 5th child and even though she was a stay at home mom she neglected me. if it didn't concern her she didn't care for example if i got bad grades (all through school) she didn't do anything to help me. when i was being picked on at school she didn't care until i faked sick so much that the school got involved then she just got angry at me because she had to deal with it. one time when i was young i remember i was with my brother and sister and she took out what i think was a butter knife laid on the ground and told us she was going to kill her self.
when i was 13 or 14 i was made fun of so badly at school that i would come home and just fantasize about killing myself i even tried it once i took a whole bottle of Tylenol pm but got so sick i threw it up. after a few times of telling my mom i wanted to kill myself she screamed just go ahead and do it bitch. through my whole life the only person she every seemed to care about was herself i never felt like she loved me. i have severe social anxiety,depression and anger issues about 2 years ago i was in the I.C.U for 3 days for a suicide attempt and all all she could talk about after i got home was what it would do to her if i had died. I know i shouldn't hate my own mother but i do should i just get her out of my life?
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Kait

[Jennifer]

Hello:
Were all of your siblings neglected and have trouble with suicide? I am not sure what you want from your mother, do you? What do you want from her? How old are you? Where do you live in comparision to your mother? What about your father? Are you in a relationship? Do you have children? Lets start out with those questions for now.

[kaitnicole]

i'm 29. i spent a lot of time talking to my brothers and sister and we all feel about the same way and i do have one brother who tried to kill him self about 12 years ago. i do know what i want from my mother i want her to care about me. if i try to tell her what is wrong with me she make comments about how she wishes her problems were that stupid and she ALWAYS starts to talk about herself like what i'm going through is nothing. i do have a father he lives with my mother but when he wasn't working (he is now retired) he was drunk. he is now sober but even though they are living together they hate each other. my dad wasn't a great father but i do know without a doubt he loves me. they live only 15 minutes from my house and when i was in the hospital for trying to kill myself my father was the only one beside my husband who came to see me.
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Kait

[Jennifer]

So you are married, do you have children? Has your mom ever been diagnosed with anything. Sounds like she might be borderline personality disorder. You will not get your mom to care about you. But you do need to learn how to care about yourself.

[kaitnicole]

my mother was only diagnosed with depression but she is real good at acting normal around outsiders they don't ever see how angry and selfish she is. i do have children, i wouldn't say i'm the perfect mother but i love my children and and let them know how much they mean to me everyday.
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Kait

[Jennifer]

Okay, so why are you letting your mom ruin your life. You are blamming her for your actions. She did not help you try to kill yourself, you did that all the time. Are you trying to prove something to her. It is not going to work. The only thing that will work is to get yourself removed from your mother and in your own mind find forgiveness and acceptance for yourself and towards her.

[kaitnicole]

i have never blamed anyone for my suicide attempt except me. she wasn't even on my mind when i did it. the reason i blame her is because i needed her growing up. when i was at school i was always being made fun of so i would tell her i was sick and in a way i was the second the alarm clock went off i was filled with complete dread my stomach hurt and all i could think about was how i was going to get out of it. when i did go to school the kids were so mean to me that i would come home and just cry for hours. she knew what was going on with me and she didn't care. i know by law she had to get me in school but she could have talked to me helped me feel better about myself and she just wasn't there at all for me. i wasn't trying to prove anything to her i have always know something was wrong with me and and i had hoped telling her i wanted to die would prove to her how bad i really felt about myself but all she could say was that it was just teenage bull**** . the thing is no one wanted anything to do with me at school or at home i felt alone all the time.
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Kait

[kaitnicole]

i would also like to add that i am not this angry on a daily basis. the reason i started writing is because of a fight we had the last time i saw her. i went over there on my birthday because it was also my dads and she wouldn't come out of her room. she just went on about how much she hates her life and how none of us care about her. the fight got so bad that she wants nothing to do with me now.
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Kait

[aliceyalice]

my mother is also a toxic, toxic person. she makes Mommie Dearest look like Donna Reed. my only advice to you is to avoid her whenever possible. i wouldn't cut her out of my life, per se, but just distance myself and not mention any personal issues around her that are unpleasant. my sister chose this tactic with my mother and my mother worships the ground she walks on. i chose to spend large amounts of time with my mother and my mother tortures me every chance she can get...lol

[aliceyalice]

my mother is also a toxic, toxic person. she makes Mommie Dearest look like Donna Reed. my only advice to you is to avoid her whenever possible. i wouldn't cut her out of my life, per se, but just distance myself and not mention any personal issues around her that are unpleasant. my sister chose this tactic with my mother and my mother worships the ground she walks on. i chose to spend large amounts of time with my mother and my mother tortures me every chance she can get...lol