is this considered abuse?

[kimberkitten]

My ex husband and I have been divorced for about 2 years now. When we were married, he had a huge issue with our (then 5 year old) daughter ever wanting to come sleep in our room at night. She used to sneak in in the middle of the night and either crawl in bed with me or sleep on the floor.

Now that we are divorced, he has encouraged our daughter to sleep in the bed with him during his visitation periods. I thought it was very odd, but not my place to tell him how to parent on his own time. However, recently he has been having our daughter sleep in the room with him and his new girlfriend! And my daughter just described waking up to the sounds of them being "intimate". I would normally just call or text my ex to let him know I don't approve, and I did do that; but my main issue is that for the past month, my daughter has been crying and throwing fits about going to her dad's for visitation, regressing to the point of wanting a pacifier (she hasn't had one since her 1st birthday)--she doesn't even suck her thumb. But the most disturbing thing was that she has been stimulating herself A LOT on the side of the swimming pool with the jets and her brother walked in on her in the bathtub dointg so under the bathtub faucet.

I am very concerned. I texted her dad regarding the fact that Phoebe had woken up to him and his girlfriend being intimate, but he replied that our children were "Liars", I shouldn't preach morality to him, and that he would do as he pleased during visitation.

I am at a loss as to what to do. Is that considered abuse? I definitely have noticed a change in my daughter's behavior lately.

[Jennifer]

i cannot say for sure but it sounds as if something is going on whether she is acting out because of seeing something. i always advise to error on the side of caution and take whatever a child/teenager says seriously because even if it is not abuse something is going on. are you in a position that you can take your daughter to a counselor? not sure what state you are in but they have plenty of clinics that work on sliding scale fees and it would be better to take care of this now than to wait.

[kimberkitten]

I have insurance for the children that covers mental health as well. I do plan on taking her to speak with someone; but when I texted her father (very matter-of-factly, not angry/controlling) and told him that our daughter had said that she had woken up to such-and-such and could he not have her sleep in the room, he was very clear that he would continue doing as he pleased. I don't want to open Pandora's Box with him and contact authorities, but I simply can't allow that to continue.

It's not a situation like where a child inadvertantly walks in on parents and the time has come for "the talk". I'm devastated that our daughter was exposed to the entire act and couldn't just close her eyes and walk out of a room, but had to endure it in silence. And it wasn't her father with a lond-standing girlfriend. This is someone my children barely know. (And how she could be comfortable doing that with a child in the room is beyond me).

Thank you for your insight. I just don't want to over-react/under-react; but I want to protect my child from all of this and I have to send her for another overnight stay tomorrow. How am I supposed to do that?

[Jennifer]

do what you need to do o protec your child, who cares about how your ex feels.