Dealing with a 19 year old Son

Angel · Joined: 06 Mar 2009 Posts: 2

Hi,
I am writing with a very heavy heart this morning because my 19 yr. old son and I had a very upsetting argument last evening. He has become more and more distant lately and doesn't seem to want to be around his father or me very much ... He is a freshman at our local college and doing just o.k. he has never been a fan of school except to socialize. Up to this point he has never given us any trouble nor has he been disrespectful to anyone until recently . I tried to tell him some things that had been building up regarding excessive spending, staying out too late , and not doing anything around the house and constantly asking for money ...which we have tried to give since he has not found a job.. and one word lead to the next and he screamed and screamed at me ...I yelled back out of disbelief ...it was very upsetting . How do I communicate better and try to repair our once loving relationship ?

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

Heres the bad news, he is a man now and needs to be treated as one. He is not your little boy anymore that will listen to you. I am assuming that he lives with you and it will be up to you and your husband how much lead way you want to give him.

He is doing what he is supposed to do at 19 in college and he needs to learn his own way and his own responsibility. Once again you and your husband need to decide how much you want to take care of him and how much he needs to take care of himself at this stage.

Angel · Joined: 06 Mar 2009 Posts: 2

I guess it is obvious ... your right he is a man . Now here comes the "but"... he makes very irresponsible choices which makes me feel like I must still "mother" him ...I do realize I have to let go and pray he will start to learn from all the mistakes ... it is very difficult though ...How does a parent stop acting like one just because "it is time" ? More than anything I want to repair the relationship without saying I condone how he treated me ...any suggestions on how to do that ? One part I left out is that he has been seeing a girl for 6 mos. who shall we say, is not someone we like too well...this issue has really caused problems ...he seems to really like her and defends her constantly ... should parents stay out of their teens "love life" or voice concerns ? ... Your advice is greatly appreciated ...thanks...

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

He is supposed to make mistakes at 19 that is the whole point of growing up. Like I previously said you need to decide how much you want to "mother" him and how much you are going to let him make his own choices.

I can tell you that i made a bunch of bad choices at 19 and yes, i had my parents there for me, but it is always good to fall on your own first. If you always have someone catching you before you fall then you never learn.

But it is up to you.