there isn't really a main focus here

[fiRe_ice]

Hi! I am 15 years old and I live in Hong Kong. I don't normally talk about my problems cause I just… can't say it. This itself is kind of a problem already. Typing it out anonymously is slightly better but I'm still not very comfortable with it. I have quite a lot of problems, which I hope is normal, as a teenager.

I would say I'm an observer, kind of introverted. I do my best to stay away from gossips (I'm a girl in a girls' school). My friends say I'm like an ice block - don't talk much or get agitated easily. They say if I show my emotions clearly, it's probably the end of the world. I don't mind them saying all that, cause I know it's kind of true. I'm numb to most things. I figured being an only child in a consistent-bad-relationship-family caused that. We can't communicate. It's like we have different frequencies. My dad is a threaten-er and an arrogant lecturer, and the only source of income in the family. I hate to say this, but I hate him. No, I hate his personality, I'm not supposed to my own father. My mum is weak and nervous. She doesn't stand up for me. I know she loves me, but she's just not being a mum apart from the nagging part. My dad told me more than once, clearly, that he doesn't love my mum anymore. And that I'm the only reason why they are together. I've tried to fix the problems, I tried to understand and be mature, I prevent my mum from breaking down and I keep my dad from leaving home. As a result, I am like my parents' punching bag. It's killing me. I don't want to be mature anymore. I just want to be the little girl I'm supposed to be in a family.

I've tried to talk more, be more sociable, laugh more. But I get really exhausted afterwards. It's almost like socializing with the people is the same as fighting them all at once. And when I do that I don't feel like me anymore. I don't know if I should continue trying. I have very few close friends, and I haven't regarded anyone as my best friend since year 2. The interesting thing is, I do have a lot of friends, despite my iciness. People tends to like me, for some reasons. Does this make any sense to you?

I study in one of the top schools in one of the most stressful places on earth with one of the hardest public exams. I have no life. The public exam is 8 months away. And I am procrastinating a lot in the last 2 years. I can't focus. Not like I'm not studying, just not as hard. I'm not sure if that's stress I'm feeling or it's just that I'm tired of all the studying and studying and studying. Either way, I really need to get myself back on the track but I don't know how. I want to be a doctor, which means I need a nearly perfect result. I think I'm stressed out, I know I should be, but I'm not sure. As I've mentioned before, things don't get to me easily.

My family doesn't support me, I don't have a best friend to talk to or cry on. And my public exam is getting close. This is a really long post, and I have never told anyone so much in one go. I'm not sure about the purpose of typing this. I guess I just need to spit things out and stop bottling up. People like coming to me when they have problems-- friends, parents… They know I won't tell others, and they know I'm the mature one. And when I have problems that have been around for years, I have to go to the Internet anonymously. (sorry)

[Jennifer]

Hey
You touched on a couple of different categories, but is seem as if the parent situation ties them together. Have your parents asked you to play the adult role or have you put yourself in that role? Can you get out of it now if you tried?

As far as the iceness goes, that is just a defense mechanism that you have so you don't have to deal with people and it seems to work for you. do you want to stop doing that? do you wish you were closer to people at school?

as far as the exam goes, if you don't get focused on that, you are just hurting yourself on that one nobody else.

i know in a perfect world, we have parents that are loving and supportive and do what they can for their kids. The bottom line for your parents is no they are not together just for you, that is impossible to do, there are other reasons and whether you need to spend more time away from them or just regress, you need to let them be the adults and you be the kid even if you don't like how they parent you very much.