girl or boy?

kristie · Joined: 10 Aug 2008 Posts: 43

I have been crossdressing now for many years..and stilll I am confused as to my gender..I know that i love to dress and when I do I feel at ease..comfortable...I know I enjoy feeling like a girl...but I am also married and have kids...so at times I do feel like a guy with a family...all these years and I am still confused...is this normal...am Iin denial because I have a family

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

First question, does your family know about your confusion? What role do you play in your family? What is your biggest fear when you think about who you want to be? How do you want to be defined as a person?

kristie · Joined: 10 Aug 2008 Posts: 43

My wife knows about it. After many years of keeping it a secret I finally broke down and told her. At firt she was very much against it and wanted it to stop. After some years she has come to accept it and now is ok with it and supports me totally. As for the role I play. The same role played by any man who is married and has childredn.. A husband and a father role.. My biggest fear I would have to say is my children finding out. It would be very difficult on them and make it hard on their personal lives. How do I want to be defined as a person? I would lke to think of myself as a good family man..a good father..as for gender I beleive I would like to be defined as a female.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

Hello:
It sounds like you answered your own questions. You love your family, but want to be defined as a female. How old are your children now? You might be surprised as to how understanding kids can be. How does your wife feel about you talking to your chiildren? If you want to be defined as a female you will need to be honest with yourself and your family.

kristie · Joined: 10 Aug 2008 Posts: 43

my children are twins 21 and (boy and girl) and a 14 year old boy. She has mentioned several times about the children not finding out. It's hard to be defined as a female when u have a role as a husband and father. My children have one mother I am sure they don't need 2. So it makes it very hard to be able to be defined as a female when in your childrens eyes you are dad. That I think is what bothers me the most..to know what you want but know that its not possbile is very hard

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

sounds like your wife is holding you back at this point. You will always be there father no matter what. If you cannot be comfortable with who you are, then nobody else can. Work on your self before worrying about your family. I am sure your kids have picked up on suttle signs over the years. The final decision will be up to you and your happiness.

kristie · Joined: 10 Aug 2008 Posts: 43

No I don't think they have picked up on it. I try to act as normal as possible around people..I hold back any feelings..my wife is not holding me back because she does not know about my feelings...she only knows that I enjoy dressing and she has been great about it...she supports me in every way. It's hard to be a father when your wearing a skirt.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

You will always be there father. You are afraid which is understandable, but if this is something you want you are going to have to come to terms with it. Or the other option is just keep doing what your doing, but it sounds like you cannot do that anymore.

You are going to have to decide what you think your family can handle. Can you bring this up with your wife?

kristie · Joined: 10 Aug 2008 Posts: 43

NO..I can't bring this up to her because I love my wife very much..we have been married for 23 years this coming 19th of august..I can't see my life without her..sometimes I think if were to die it would be so much easier. As for doing what I have been doing...I have been dressing now for over 20 years..It started about 2 years after I was married..I kept it to myself for many years...and finally told my wife back in 1995, and it took until 2004 for her to come to terms and accept it...she now does so and supports me...she buys me clothes and make up and all...I love her so much and would not dream of hurting her or living without her

kristie · Joined: 10 Aug 2008 Posts: 43

I was thinking of setting up a phone session but I can't really afford it...I was emailed by a nice lady named jennifer....and i notice that your name is also jennifer...I was wondering if you are two in the same?

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

If you cannot bring this up with your wife, then you are stuck in the same situation that you have always been in. You are going to have to find a way to be okay with your situation the way it is if you are not motivated to make a change.

Yes, I am one and the same. I answer all posts and try to help as much as possible.

kristie · Joined: 10 Aug 2008 Posts: 43

It's hard to make a change whnn you know it will hurt those you love. I find myself thinking that I am selfish for wanting what I want when it will hurt others. Is my happiness more important than those of 4 other people. I ask myself that question and I always think the answer is no..its would be selfish of me to hurt and turn the lives of 4 other people upside down simply to make myself happy. I have pictured that talk with my wife many times in my head and I can feel her pain..I see in my heart the tears as she finds herself losing her partner of over 20 years..and with that I could then never be happy..even if after that I was single to lead a life as a female..my heart would forever be filled with pain and hate for myself for having hurt her..You see my dilema..this is what I have been dealing with for many years...and I at times feel like I am going to break because of all the mixed feelings inside...feelings of anger..of hate...of desire for what I want to be...all these feelings at battle inside of me...I don't want to cope anymore with it..

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

You are making assumptions that the people that you love will not understand. Where is that coming from? Yes, sometime our own happiness is more important than the ones that we love, not all the time though, but to be the person that you are intended to be it might be more important.

If you do not want to tell them and do not want to give up who you are, then what choices do you have? Seems like you are stuck in the same situation as you have been by keeping it a secret.

kristie · Joined: 10 Aug 2008 Posts: 43

No its not an assumption. It's just that people you love especially children grow up viewing you in a certain way..my children see me as dad..not mom...and whether or not they accept me is irrelevant..they might do so because love is unconditional...they won't stop loving me but they might stop respecting me or never look at me the same way..not too mention the fact that they could suffer ridicule and much teasing...in particular my younger son..from friends and such. I can't think of anytime when my own happiness would come before that of my family..yes you are right jennifer I am in the same old situation I have been in for many many years...and I don't know what to do or if there is anything I can do for that matter...

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

It doesn't sound like you are giving yourself any options than the one you have now. You are making assumptions about your family. I happen to know a family that I worked with in the past that the dad was a cross dresser. That was not the problem in the family, it was actually the mother that was the problem. You love your family and they love you. Sounds like you are just going to need to keep up the charade for ever then??