Why do I want to be a male?

cscrofani6037 · Joined: 16 Mar 2009 Posts: 4 Location: New York

Since I have been five years old, and I am now 33, I have wanted to be a male, but I live in fear, and seek acceptance in society, not to be labeled a freak. I have two children-both boys. I envy all men because I am not what they are, and it is not a social thing. I can go several months, without doing anything, but always think about it. I love the male anatomy, and enjoy a relationship with my male counterpart, but if I could be a male, I wouldn't want to change that for anything. I want to be someone's father, and someone's son, or someone's husband (although as a woman, I don't like the female body, or couldn't bear the thought of intimacy with a woman, unless I was a man).
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Chad

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

Hey
What is wrong with how you feel? Sometimes, we are put in the a different outter shell than an inner shell. Are you thinking about doing the sex change?

cscrofani6037 · Joined: 16 Mar 2009 Posts: 4 Location: New York

I would love to have a sex change surgery, if it didn't change the whole aspect of how others, including my children perceive me, and then before that would be acceptable anyway, I would have to pass as a male, and I am afraid of what would happen workwise, and family wise if I lived how I wanted to live. So how to cope with what I manage to suppress and then deal with again, through the form of masterbation, with the use of socks, and pretending I have male parts using them on an invisible woman, but that only temporarily relieves me, then the thoughts come back again.
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Chad

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

Are you married? You mentioned the boys but not a spouse. What would your boys think of what you are doing now? If they found out, it would be a shock, but love for a parent runs deep and with the proper care and telling, it could work out.

As far as work goes, what do you do? Why would it be harder as a man? work would be easier because there are laws that protect you and you would have to go through counseling before you would even be approved for the change and lots of more counseling to deal with everything else.

cscrofani6037 · Joined: 16 Mar 2009 Posts: 4 Location: New York

I have lived with the father of my second child for 7 years. I talked to a therapist last night for a bout 10 minutes. She gave me an exercise to work on, postive affirmations about women, but really I don't care to do any exercises. I just find no joy in doing anything above and beyond work when it comes to writing, and journaling activities. Nor do I think that it will help 28 years worth of warped thinking.
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Chad

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

Are you working with a therapist to do the sex change? If you are seeing a therapist, why the need to be in here? In this situation, it is a choice, yes a very hard choice, but the warp thinking as you call it is you wanting to be someone else.

If you don't believe in what your therapist says then it is not a good working relationship. therapy is 90% connection and 10% book smart/knowledge. If you do not believe in your therapist, then therapy will not work for you.

cscrofani6037 · Joined: 16 Mar 2009 Posts: 4 Location: New York

I am here because knowledge is power, and the more suggestions I gather, the more of an informed decision I can make.
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Chad

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

okay, not going to give you what you should do, just listen to what you have to say. I am sure that you realize that you will have to make this decison for yourself.

What are all the reasons you are holding back. List them then list the reasons to do it. the old pro's/con's list.

You didn't answer the question about therapy, are you in therapy now?